Saturday, June 27, 2009
When I first began writing these blogs, I did one titled "Celebrate! Celebrate! Celebrate!" We have used every possible excuse to do that during our 54 years of marriage. We had very little money, because we both grew up in families with little money. We never needed it to celebrate.
In the beginning gas was cheap so we found country roads to explore, lakes and streams to fish, parks and beaches to go for picnics. Once we had each of our three children invite one of their friends and their family to our house for a family party. The children helped us plan and we had a great time.
This year we plan to celebrate our 54 years together with a short get-away. We love these great times together. How do you celebrate?
Monday, June 22, 2009
Telling each other your stories sets the stage for understanding. I love sharing my stories with Everett and I love having him share his stories with me. We now have many stories together. I don't always enjoy hearing him tell our stories, because we tell stories differently. Ev embellishes and doesn't consider details like numbers important. When we were younger, I felt a need to set him straight. I haven't done that for many years. When he tells our stories, it becomes his story. When I tell our stories, it is my story. Of course, they are different, because we experience things differently.
Some of Ev's stories I have heard many times. I don't mind. Stories he tells over and over tell me what is most important to him and what experiences have impacted his life. They help me understand why he thinks and feels what he does. Understanding and acceptance are the key to becoming soul mates.
Monday, June 15, 2009
What about couples like John and Elizabeth Edwards? At one time they seemed to be soul mates. Soul mates do not cheat on each other. Cheating destroys trust. Without trust intimacy cannot exist.
Is it possible for soul mates to destroy the closeness they once experienced? Absolutely. A soul mate experience must be carefully cherished and never taken for granted. Infidelity shatters much of what feels good in soul mate relationships. In her book, "Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life's Adversities", Elizabeth says when she learned of John's infidelity, she screamed, cried, and vomited. She was devastated. "All I wanted was my life back," she writes.
Can John and Elizabeth become soul mates again? Trust, once destroyed, cannot easily be rebuilt. It takes time, lots of time. They may not have long enough. My guess is that is why Elizabeth's book is titled, "Resilience."
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The Obamas have a regular weekly date night, one of the reasons they have become soul mates. Did you read about their date night this week in Paris, the City of Love?They ate at a bistro,La Fontaine de Mars. The bistro dates back to the early nineteen hundreds and features rustic dishes from the southwest region of France.
Everett and I had a date night Friday. We ate at the Taste of Fair Oaks, a celebration of our community sponsored by the Chamber of Commerce. Not the same, but fun. What did you do on your date night this week?
Friday, June 5, 2009
"Falling in love" or experiencing false intimacy is nothing new. During courtship people often believe thay can talk about anything and they may have sex before they even know each other. That makes them believe they are more intimate than they really are.
Opening up to learning and understanding your partner over a period of time creates intimacy. That requires an ongoing level of maintenance that can be difficult. You may love your partner very much and still feel alone or misunderstood at times. This is particularly true when you experience conflict over something that is very important to you. It all goes back to the question, "How can I be connected to you and still be who I am?"
As difficult as relationship is, the reward is fantastic. Ask anybody who has been married many years and has successfuloly learned to become a soul mate.