When You Burn the Toast

Being Supported Feels Good

Suppose you wake up in the morning and discover your alarm has not gone off. Your children are still in bed, and there is a lot to be done. You feel tense and hurried. While you are fixing breakfast, you see smoke curling out of the toaster. Your husband walks into the kitchen and says, "Now you have burned the toast! Can't you ever do anything right?" How would you react?

Image the same situation. This time when your husband walks into the kitchen he says, "If you set the timer on two instead of three, this wouldn't happen. Let me show you how you should have done it." How would you react?

Visualize the scene again. This time your husband comes in and says, "Oh, Honey, what a frustrating morning for you! First the alarm and now the toast. You must be wondering what next!" Being supported feels good.

from "How to Get Kids to Help at Home", page 22, 23

Soul Mates Learn to Handle Change

Birth of a baby brings change
 

The Truth of Impermanence
The biggest cause of pain in our lives comes from not accepting the truth of impermanence. Feelings of loss flow out of our reaction to change. We may not choose change. Like it or not, change comes. Change comes in two parts, gain and loss. We have to grieve and let go of the loss before we can see or feel the gain.

Experiencing Loss
Immediately after a loss, feelings cloud our thinking. If we accept our feelings and work through them, the clouds lift and we can begin to feel the gain. Knowing what to expect helps the grieving process do its work of healing. Validation by ourselves and others accelerates the healing. Loss or change makes us aware of ourselves. When we grieve the loss, we grieve for ourselves. "What is going to happen to me?" We become aware of dependency needs. We examine our goals, values, and resources. We recognize the opportunity for introspection, evaluation and exploration of our inner resources and a challenge to risk something new.
 
Big Changes Bring Big Challenges
The birth of a baby, the biggest change in a couple relationship, can strengthen their bond or it can tear them apart. Many changes will challenge them as they go through life together. When their children become adults and leave, another big change occurs. People who go through the grieving process will accept the challenge of moving to an adult to adult relationship with their children and welcome the opportunity to become just a couple again. Single parents must embrace their freedom to explore new interests. Some may be afraid to let go and welcome the second half of their lives.

Mid-life Brings Changes
Mid-life brings changes. Flexible open people understand the challenge and put thier energy into recapturing the joy of long time love. The best is yet to come. Maturity makes relationship sweeter . Those who have lost a love through divorce or death may experience a soul mate relationship in the second half of their lives understanding that with loss comes a gain if you are willing to look for it.

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