Secrets of Long Term Love

Keith and Shirley Abbey-married 61 years
 

                                  by guest blogger Todd Creager   http://www.toddcreager.com

Long term love and I mean deep love, the kind of love where you feel that you would marry your spouse all over again after 10, 20, 30, 40 years of marriage does happen. There are couples that DO experience that kind of relationship. What are their secrets? I have learned from these couples, some people are clients, people I know in my personal life and even people I have read about in articles or seen on TV.

SECRET #1
Look for the best in your partner. I have heard many of these couples talk about the necessity to overlook each other's flaws; not to ignore them but at the same time not to focus on them. Definitely each partner kept in mind the good stuff, the positive attributes, and the things they enjoyed about their partner.

SECRET #2
Let them know how good they are. Not only did they look for and think about the best in their partner, they expressed it. They complimented their partners far more than they criticized them. It was easier to hear the negative feedback because they got plenty of positive feedback as well.

SECRET# 3
Be affectionate. They touched a lot and were affectionate with each other. As they got older, even if their sexual relationship changed somewhat, they never stopped touching. They adjusted to the aging process but kept the physical connection any way they could. They were not rigid when it came to approaches to touch and sexuality. They were able to talk openly about sex.

SECRET #4
Place a high value on the importance of the intimate relationship. They made relationship a high priority. They made time to be alone and intimate and enjoyed each other's company. They planned trips together and went on frequent dates. They often were different (as most couples are) but they found enough similarities of activities to do these things together.

SECRET #5
Tune in and be attentive and let your partner know you are there for him or her when needed. They were strong emotional supports in trying times. They would take turns being strong for each other during the occasional life tragedies and losses. They each felt a sense of deep caring for each other and trusted each other. Some of these couples had earlier times when the trust was disrupted but they learned how to heal and create trusting relationships. There was a sense that, "You are there for me."

These wise couples have reaped the benefits of these secrets to long term love. Now it is your turn.

Todd Creager at "Making the World Safe for Love"

Couples Married 50 Years or Longer Give Advice

Married 68 years

Secrets to a Long Marriage

Going directly to the experts, long time married couples, makes sense to researchers like sociology professor, Todd Migliaccio, California State University, Sacramento. He has interviewed and taped dozens of couples in long marriages including my husband and me. More than 100 couples contributed to "Married for Life", Honor Books by Bill Morelan, one of the sources I used. I have been sharing some of these experts' advice in my most recent blogs.

Interestingly, "spending time together" in one form or another was recommended more often than any other advice. A close second was commitment to the marriage. One person put it uniquely, "Never consider getting unmarried as an option."

Many other responses were repeated in different ways. These experts on love advised couples to  realize neither of you are perfect; practice cooperation, follow the Golden Rule, try to see each other's point of view, but agree to disagree sometimes. I tell my clients, "Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. If you focus on the strengths you will have twice as many together, If you focus on the weaknesses, you will have twice as many weaknesses. Which you focus on will determine how strong a marriage you can create."

Becoming lifetime soul mates is a unique rewarding adventure. If you remember the story , "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams, you will remember the discussion between Rabbit and Skin Horse  about what is real. Rabbit asks if it happens all at once or bit by bit. Skin Horse tells Rabbit it doesn't happen all at once. It happens when you have been loved over a period of time, but "it doesn't happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept." In other words, you must learn how to let go of defenses.

Couples Married 50 Years or Longer Give Advice

Walter and Mary Bieri

More Advice From Long Married Couples     The advice given in this series of blogs comes from a study of couples married 50 years or longer......


You have to really like each other. That means being able to listen to each other no matter what the subject.

Always be willing to walk away when a subject becomes too heated, but always be willing to come back to it when you are both calm.

Never call each other names when you are angry. Just say, I am angry right now.

Love must be nurtured. Kindness and respect are a part of the nurturing.

Share common goals and find common interests.

Give each other plenty of space to grow and accept each other just the way they are.

Share responsibility and care of the house, children, and the relationship.

Everyone has problems. Stay together and work them out.

Agree that it's okay to disagree.

Talk things out and never give up.

Couples Married 50 Years or More Give Advice

Dave and Jacque Leek 

Secrets of a Long Marriage from Couples Married 50 Years or More

I love my husband and he loves me. We work together. We talk things out, even though sometimes it may not be a quiet discussion.

You only get out of a marriage what you put into it.

Be individuals. Give each other space.

Have fun together and never get too old to hold hands.

Never give advice unless it's asked for and then be careful not to tell him/her what to do.

Take responsibility for your own feelings, needs, and happiness.

Friends will always let you down. Don't be fragile. Toughen up.

Never stop learning listening skills. Be aware of subjects you react to.

Do everything you can to express your love. Never let a day go without telling each other, "I love you."

Always make marriage and family a top priority.

Secrets to a Long Marriage

Gene and Georgia Schroeder

Couples Married 50 Years Or Longer

"We're seeing more and more couples that have lasted where friendship is one of the big factors. If they're from a close family, that provides a huge social network that contributes to marital longevity. Couples have more to draw on and more commitment to the greater good of the family."

That comment comes from Todd Migliaccio, California State University, Sacramento sociology professor. My husband, Everett, and I were one of the dozens of couples married more than 50 years interviewed by Professor Migliaccio. Interestingly, he was not married at the time.

My own mother died four years before she and my dad reached their 50th anniversary, but many older couples reach that milestone. Presently, more than half of American marriages have lasted more than 15 years according to census figures. About 30 percent of married couples celebrate 25 years together. Experts theorize about what makes it possible to make a marriage last. The true answers come from those who year in and year out through good times and bad, find ways to make their marriages work.

Look forward to future blog posts giving answers by those who have made marriage work. I welcome pictures of people who have been married 50 years or longer with their names and wedding dates.

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What Can Same Sex Marriage Teach

Headlines on the front page of the Sacramento Bee, "Call me Dad, not just sperm donor".

Lost Boys' actor Jason Patric wants to change state law to allow sperm donors, in certain situations, to become legal parents and share custody of children born from their sperm. His former girl friend argues that the law protects her as the child's only legal parent because she never married Patric and used a medical procedure to conceive.

I agree with Caitlan Flanagan's Time magazine essay when she writes, "No other single force is causing as much measurable hardship in this country as the collapse of marriage." Movies, television, books and magazines glorify relationship hopping. The subtitle to Flanagan's essay is: "Buffeted by affairs and ennui", the intact, two parent family is under assault. What America needs to get over its commitment issues  (Hint, it isn't love)"  We righteously deny same sex couples the right to marry, while heterosexual couples carelessly spurn that right. Same sex couples who have been together for years and may be raising children cherish and celebrate that right. We can learn from them. I hope they never lose their joy in making life-long commitments to each other.

The Western Civilization has plummeted into a time of decadence never seen before. Pornography has become a multi-million dollar industry and is not confined to dark store fronts or lavish showcases. It has entered the American home and rattled the stability of American marriage and family. Our children become casualties.

Decadence has always led to the collapse of civilizations. Read Arnold Toynbee's "A Study of History". Commitment to marriage and family can go a long way toward preventing misery caused by the collapse of marriage. Children, especially, depend on it.

Do You Believe in Soul Mate Relationships?

On April 25, 2008 I wrote a post on "What is a Soul Mate?"
Here it is:

I was asked by a radio interviewer to define soul mates. That was easy. A soul mate is someone who knows you very well and likes you anyway. A soul mate sees your strengths and discounts your weaknesses. A soul mate accepts you just as you are without any changes. A soul mate believes in you.

Acceptance empowers, encourages, comforts. It is the greatest gift one person can give another. No wonder so many people search for a soul mate. Not many realize they have to learn how to be one.

Recently some relationship experts discussed the question, "Do you believe in soul mates?" Elisa Mecco kindly gave me permission to post her comment. "My husband and I are licensed soul mates according to Dan's criteria. We have also been to hell and back and supported each other through adversities of every sort. We are closer as time goes, we take responsibility, we have worked hard at our relationship and still work out everything that life throws at us together. We love each other more deeply every day. We enjoy each other's company more than the company of anyone else. We enjoy the company of the same friends and we have many real friends. We miss each other in a calm and serene way when we are not together. We are excited about each other after all these years. We believe in each other being well aware of the other's imperfections and limitations. We can and do tell each other everything. I believe this is possible because we are different in more superficial aspects (and we complement each other), but we are similar in the deeper aspects of what really is meaningful in life, what makes sense to do, what are our priorities and values. We have a strong spiritual connection. We both try to help others, find the deepest gratification in giving, in empowering others. This has often gotten us in financial difficulties because there is always someone who needs help and a cause to support. Somehow we always manage to get out of it and we don't let it get us down.We have learned to do without. We grow together and try to help others do the same."

Later Elisa added a postscript:
"This is the result of hard work, understanding, patience, trust, and unconditional love.It wasn't anything like what you see in romantic movies, no love at first sight, actually a solid friendship and mutual understanding on important matters was the foundation. My husband and I have been giving each other the space and support to be ourselves to manifest and actualize the essence of our beings.

Bob and Suzanne Cummings--44 Years

Bob and I met on my 21st birthday on Wednesday, May 21, 1969, in Albuquerque, NM. I've recently discovered this is my "Golden Birthday". I had never heard of that before. Your golden birthday occurs when your age matches the date of your birth. It has always been a special day for us but now it is even more special to me.

After my performance in the University of NM spring choir concert, a friend and I decided to go to the Pizza Hut for a late night snack. The only other people at the restaurant were a group of mostly young and fit men. After I sat down, I noticed a particularly handsome guy sitting directly opposite me at their table. We shared a few glances at each other and later shared how we were immediately attracted to one another. I shared with my friend how I felt, but I was in a quandary about how to get acquainted with him. Bob would tell you that I winked at him, but it absolutely is not true! My friend had a great idea. She went out to the car and brought in the small cake she had baked for me. Someone at the men's table asked how old I was. When I said, "21", he asked why I was drinking coke instead of beer. I didn't drink alcoholic beverages and besides, my friend was only 20.

The guys got up to leave and I was afraid I would never see the handsome stranger again. To my delight, he walked over to our table and asked if it was really my birthday. When I said, "yes", he offered me two free tickets to a baseball game. I thought he was asking me for a date, but I learned his name was Bob and he played on the Albuquerque Dodgers baseball team. He intended to leave two passes at the gate.

Later Bob called. I told him I would go to the game on Saturday night. By Saturday morning he had left two passes at the gate. He reminded me that the other pass was for my friend. I wondered if he was interested in my friend and not me, but he must have realized how it sounded and explained that his friend wanted to meet my friend.

The rest is history. We were engaged two months later and we married the day after Christmas that same year. Yesterday we celebrated 44 years of our first meeting and on December 26th we will celebrate 44 years of marriage. By the way, May 21st is a much easier day to celebrate than December 26th!

Can Love Last? Jacque and Dave Leek

This Is Our Story
I love to think back to our first kiss in that special parking lot, seven blocks from Heald Business College in downtown Sacramento. Dave had been away from school for a few days. I really missed him. I finally asked another student if she knew why he wasn't at school. She was surprised that I didn't know he was in the hospital having surgery. I called the hospital immediately! Amazingly, the timing was perfect, as he was just being prepped for surgery. We spoke only a brief moment, but he later told me that all his fears about the surgery just disappeared.

A few days later, Dave showed up in "our" parking lot, just as I was leaving after school. I was thrilled to see him again. He surprised me with our first kiss when he leaned down through the window of my 1957 Plymouth. Then, he insisted I go home. I wanted to stay, but he said I needed to leave. So I drove away wondering why. When I arrived home, my mother opened the door with a strange look on her face. She stepped aside and I could see a dozen RED ROSES on the table with a card saying: "To the girl I hope to share a lifetime with." I was very surprised as we had not even dated.

We have done exactly that--shared a lifetime together! We were married about eight months later. We have two lovely daughters and their families to continue sharing our lives. We have been extremely blessed to have shared this life with our church family and many treasured family and friends. Most of all we give all the honor and glory to our Lord, Jesus Christ for His grace, love, mercy, and guidance throughout the years. We will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary July 20, 2013.

Our scripture: "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends..."1 Corinthians 13:7,8  RSV

Ron and Mary Lou Jones--Married 66 Years

ELOPED IN 1946
Mary Lou and Ron met in their junior year at San Diego High School in 1943. After Ron's discharge from the Navy in June 1946 they eloped and married. They were 19 and 20 years old. "Our love story really began after 17 years of marriage," says Ron. "And after a BA for Mary Lou and DDS for me, 3 kids, golf gods, sailboats, sport cars, campers and Airstream trailer, and bigger and bigger homes."

In 1962 Mary Lou became involved in a Bible Study. While sitting at home listening to the Radio Bible Class in 1963 she invited Jesus to be her Lord. Later, Ron became a Christian, too. "That," says Ron, "started a love affair between Mary Lou and me as we grew in our understanding of the love of Christ that had been missing for the first 17 years of our marriage. That was 49 years ago, and Jesus and His love have surrounded and nurtured and protected us through many ups and downs as we have looked to Him increasingly every day for guidance in our lives."

IS FALLING IN LOVE ENOUGH?

  COUPLES IN LOVE
 Some of life's most passionate love stories involve couples who ended up divorced. Among them are Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, Desi Arnez and Lucille Ball, Peter Facindle and Jennie Garth, and most recently Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. What makes these stories different from couples like George and Laura Bush, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, Ronald and Nancy Reagan, Monty and Julie Flanagan, Gene and Georgia Schroeder, John and Lois Bueno, and others on my blogs?

Learning How to Live with Another Person
"Chains do not hold marriage together," according to Simone Signoret. "It is threads, which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last more than passion or sex!" Counting on each other, feeling loved and loving, open to learning, and commitment to the marriage and each other all contribute to couples in love whose love evolves into soul mate relationship.

I agree with my soul mate, Everett, who says, "Three grand adventures to happiness are something to do, sommeone to love, and something to hope for." We have been doing that for more than 57 years and it just gets sweeter each year.

KING EDWARD VIII and WALLIS SIMPSON

A STRANGE LOVE STORY

A scandal that rocked the world could more correctly be called the greatest dysfunctional love story. Wallis Simpson, a domineering twice divorced American married King Edward VIII, who was unmarried at age 41 and the world's most eligible bachelor.

"She promised to bring into my life something that wasn't there," Edward explained in his 1951 autobiography. "I was convinced that with her I'd be a more creative and more useful person."

Falling in Love Can Be Deceiving

What Edward had hoped for did not happen. Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin made the King choose marriage or monarchy. The King, as head of the Church of England was forbidden to marry a divorcee'. His brother was crowned George VI.

The couple lived in Paris for the rest of their lives. "You have no idea how hard it is to live out a great romance," Wallis told a friend. Were there regrets? "There were lots of them on both sides," according to Gore Vidal. Wallis Simpson "was bloody bored with the King and wanted out," according to Donald Spoto, author of "The Decline and Fall of the House of Windsor."

The story of King Edward and Wallis Simpson may always be classified as one of the greatest love stories. It may also be one of the greatest lessons about what not to do if you are looking for fulfilling relationship.

THE GREATEST LOVE STORIES

A Great Love Story 

The 1996 February issue of People Magazine featured "The Greatest Love Stories of the Century." The introduction to the stories began with a quote from Zelda Fitzgerald in a note to F. Scott, "I want to love first and live incidentally."

The greatest love stories chosen by the magazine were: Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson, Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, Marilyn Monroe and Joe Dimeggio, Stanford White and Evelyn Nesbit, Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera, John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Ernest Hemingway and Agnes Von Furorosky, Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas, Elvis Presley and Priscilla Beaulieu, Kathryn Hepburn and Spencer Tracy, Boris Pasternik and Olga Ivinskaya, William Randolph Hearst and Marion Davies, Grace Kelly and Prince Ranier III, Dashiell Hammett and Lillian Hellman, Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis, Billy Graham and Ruth Bell, Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen, F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda Sayre, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, Colin Powell and Alma Johnson, Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles, George Burns and Gracie Allen, Jackie Robinson and Rachel Isum.

The magazine ended its introduction with, "Whatever feelings they arouse, it's a good idea to savor these stories.; In the age of the 30 second marriage, they may come no more." What do you think and who would your list contain? I think I would start mine with the great love stories in my blog. Becoming soul mates requires commitment and work, but the payoff is awesome. I believe great love stories will always exist.

Greatest Lovers of the Last Century?

WERE RICHARD BURTON and ELIZABETH TAYLOR SOUL MATES?

Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor apparently had everything most people think they want to be happy. Elizabeth was just 30 years old when she met Richard and she was already in her fourth marriage. Despite numerous flings, Richard, 36, was still married to his first wife and had two children. After divorcing their mates, they married in 1964. Their marriage was fueled by excess--passion, pleasure, alcohol, money, fame, partying, travel, sexual attraction. BUT, were they soul mates?

SEX and PASSION ARE NOT LOVE!

Sex can be great fun, but good sex is not enough to insure lifelong soul mate relationship. It is the icing on the cake. True love makes sex memorable and accelerates the desire to do what it takes to create a soul mate relationship. Soul mates touch often. Connection is just a smile away. Love fuels a multipurpose passion--desire to please, to transform feeling into touch, to connect, to briefly feel one with your mate. In many ways Burton and Taylor's relationship could be described as a great tragedy rather than the greatest love story. They went on to marry other people and Burton died at age 58 of a cerebral hemorrhage. Years earlier he had written in his diary, "The upshot is that I'll die of drink, while she goes blithely on in her half world."

LOVE AT 80--Doug and Wilma Cross

Doug and I were Bank of America employees, but did not meet until after we had retired and attended a retiree luncheon with our spouses.. We found we had many things in common. We had lived, attended school, and knew some of the same people in Idaho. Several years later we had both lost our spouses, but we remained just friends.

On our first date we planned to go to dinner and a movie. I was getting ready to go to Russia with a Missions group. That morning I had to get a Hepatitis C injection before I could go. After eating dinner, we were finishing a glass of wine when I became violently ill and lost consciousness. Doug had to look in my purse to find my insurance card and call my son to tell him where I would be going by ambulance. He stayed with me at the hospital until my son could get there. That really impressed my family. We still have not seen the movie. We dated a few more times, but neither of us was interested in getting married and we drifted apart.

One morning, two years later, Doug called me and asked me to lunch. After a couple more dates, I began to think Doug had "changed" and I kind of liked him. It was probably me who had changed. I began to pray for guidance. I didn't know it then, but Doug was praying also. It didn't take long before God revealed his plan for our lives in a very dramatic way. We were married about 6 weeks later. On January 30th we celebrated our first wedding anniversary. What a wonderful year this has been!

Romance and Horror a Love Story Kirk and Leila Bottomly -- 37 years

Leila and I have two anniversaries--our wedding date and--our first kiss which happened on April 17, 1970. Until then she was my best friend Fred's sister. I was 15. She was two years and one grade older. These are details you won't get from her. I hung out every week at Fred's house. She'd hang out with us and she was a lot prettier than Fred.

Friday nights I would go over or they'd come over, and we'd watch the weekend horror show on TV together until nearly midnight. On this Friday evening our high school was putting on a production of West Side Story. We went with other dates. I took Marjorie and she went with Mike.

At intermission, Laila and I met up at the concession stand in the lobby and innocently arranged to rendezvous after the show for our usual Friday night routine. She had Mike drop her off at my house. Fred didn't make it that night. So it was just the two of us.

We watched The Blob with Steve McQueen--an extraterrestrial blob of carnivorous protoplasm lands on earth, terrorizes a town and a group of rowdy teenagers. The teens end up trapped in one of those small-town silver airstream diners and the blob completely envelops it like a giant green jelly bean. I think they blasted their way out with fire extinguishers--the secret weapon was cold.

I don't really remember too many of the details. But it got warmer in our family room. When things get scary, you naturally want to grab somebody. I got up enough courage to finally kiss her. And the rest, as they say, is history.

I pretty much decided right there and then to marry her. Where was I going to find someone else who could kiss like that? Five years later on June 21 we tied the knot. And sealed it with a kiss..
In June we will celebrate our 37th anniversary.

Loving Creatively--Bill and Lois Cooper--married 55 years

In 1978 while living in Anchorage Alaska, I started working again when our youngest son, Jerry, was a senior in high school. I had enjoyed being a stay at home mom and wife all those years. When I started working at the Anchorage Daily News, I was learning a new job and it was stressful.

About that time, the Sheraton Hotel was opening downtown. They had a beautiful jade staircase going to the 2nd floor that friends were talking about. Since we often took "drives" to check out the town, Bill suggested we drive by the new Sheraton one Saturday afternoon to take a look. So, we toured the new hotel and climbed the beautiful new jade staircase and checked out the new first floor cafe'.

Bill said, "Hey, let's check and see if they have any rooms for the night." I said, "NO! We haven't any luggage. They will get the wrong idea." "Ahhh, Honey, let's just go see", and he dragged me to the front desk and talked to the clerk with me hanging behind.

"Yes, I have a room for you. Do you have any luggage?"  "Yes," Bill responded as I stood there with my mouth open in surprise. Bill had made reservations for a "special" he had seen advertised to get people interested in the new hotel. "One night with dinner and breakfast in bed the next morning."

What a shock and wonderful surprise! Bill had had the boys run into the bathroom and put everything they thought I might need for an overnight into a paper bag and bring it to the car. He had packed a small suitcase for us and put it in the trunk. Needless to say, it was wonderful and relaxing! What a loving creative husband! This is one example of many lovely times in our 55 years of marriage!

Found Love By Missing the Bus--Curt and Nancy McClusky

While I was living in Europe, I went to England for the first week of Christmas vacation. I returned exhausted and slept through my alarm the next morning. I woke up too late to make it to the bus for the church ski trip to Austria. I drove to the bus stop to find my friends gone. Now what do I do?

The pastor at the base chapel told me the ski group had gone to Worgl. That's all he knew. I had already paid for the trip so I had nothing to lose. I looked up Worgl on the map and got in my little Fiat with no radio and started the long drive. I arrived in Worgl the next morning after a night in a hotel. I asked someone at the hotel desk if they knew where the Tyrolian Tours would be staying. They told me where I might possibly find them. Sure enough. That's where I found them waiting for rides to the slopes. What a relief!

My little car became useful. Since there was not enough transportation for the group, I ended up driving daily to the slopes for skiing. I met HIM there and gave him regular rides. We had fun on the slopes and at dinners as well. We then made the long drive back to Zweibrucken in the Fiat together. I was happy that he would ride back with me. We had a lot in common in our beliefs and views. He was stationed in the Air Force where I was teaching. The rest is history. Now we have been married for 38 happy years.

Curt knew my name well because the tour guides on the bus kept calling out my name to see if I had arrived at the bus before they actually left without me. "Is Nancy Reed here? Nancy Reed? Nancy Reed?"  Without that oversleeping and no Fiat in Worgl, would we have met and fallen in love?

Jim and Florine Rae--Married 51 Years

Jim and Florine honeymooned at the Furnace Creek Inn in Death Valley, a ritzy desert resort that charged $25 a day. That included three meals a day in their fancy dining room. A geologist friend advised them to be sure and visit Titus Canyon at sunset. They found the narrow road through Titus Canyon wound through sheer l00 foot rock walls .

"Our 59 Chevy sedan slowly navigated the dry creek bed, but not until sunset had long passed and darkness enveloped us. God was with us on this trip and we even found our way back to the Inn as the dining room was about to close."

During the summer of 1961 East Germany built the Berlin Wall and Jim was recalled to active duty with his naval aviation squadron which ended up cutting his income in half. Florine went to work as a nurse at Laguna Hospital in San Francisco to make ends meet. Their love and commitment to each other and their mutual faith in God enabled them to get through that difficult first year of marriage.

Disagreements have come up, of course. "We have found the best way to resolve them is to let Jim have the last word as long as it is, 'Whatever you say, Dear'. "In other words," laughs Jim, "we have learned that the key to an enduring marriage is for each partner to compromise."

Love Makes Jack and Ginny's Marriage Last

"Mom, we have to sit down and talk about Dad's and your marriage." declared our 17 year old son who had just completed a semester course in sociology in high school. He began enumerating all the reasons this 19 year marriage, at that time, would not survive. He counted off that I had been raised in the city and his Dad on a farm. Jack loved sports (he would watch grass grow if it were competitive) and I was a symphony and drama person. Even our jobs were at odds. Jack, a district office director of P.E., recreation, and outdoor education and I was a high school counselor, The BIGGIE was that I had been 16 and Jack 18 when we married. "There just is not hope," he explained, "that our marriage will work."

What our son and his sociology teacher had left out of the equation was the things in our favor far out-weighed the negatives. Our parents had deep abiding love of God and attended church regularly and demonstrated loving marriages. They also had instilled in us faith. Both of us, even at that young age, knew our Lord and Savior. Of course, there are times, even after 63 years, that we sometimes wonder if this teen marriage will last.