Update Your Perception about Relationship

Partners in Change

What is your perception about relationship? What are your expectations? These are important questions. When you and your partner understand relationship provides the opportunity to learn, grow and mature, you will see relationship in a new way. You will no longer believe that if your partner would change, you could have the relationship you have always dreamed of having. You will be looking for ways YOU can change and grow. You will look for a partner who is willing to learn and grow as well.

Relationship is difficult for everyone! Everyone has disagreements, misunderstandings, periods of feeling unloved. We are all unique and different from each other. A realistic approach to relationship
includes looking for a partner interested in learning, growing and changing with you as you both mature. You will share what you are learning. You will encourage each other and focus on each other's strengths. You will share growth, appreciation and wonder. That is what makes love grow.

YOU WILL BE PARTNERS IN CHANGE instead of TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER!

Hitting the Jackpot on the Oregon Coast

The ocean 100 feet outside our bedroom window

If you love the ocean like we do, you can find your perfect getaway place along the Oregon coast. We rediscovered ours this week. Three years ago we drove down the Oregon coast returning from visiting friends who live at Lake Bay, Washington near Gig Harbor. We stayed at Seaside the first night, Yachats the second night and Brookings the third night, all without reservations. I wrote blogs about all three which you can look up by checking "older blogs" at the end of the most recent blogs.

All of those places were wonderful , but our stay at Yachats made me vow to come back when we could stay longer. We selected a week at the end of July, rearranged obligations and appointments and planned our trip. We decided to make reservations, because we were traveling on a weekend. That turned out to be a good decision, because a big country music festival was scheduled on the coast south of Bandon that weekend. Ten thousand people expected to attend.

We decided to spend two nights at Yachats. We had a room on the third floor just one hundred feet from the ocean. The ocean's rthymic beating against the waves growing louder at high tide and getting softer and dimmer at low tide soothed us into deep healing sleep. That first night the Adobe Resort miraculously became our favorite getaway place surpassing our decades long favorite, the Sea Ranch. A big bonus is an affordable restaurant not more than fifty feet from the water with windows all around and gourmet food. After the first night we made arrangements to add another night to our stay. We had to change rooms the third night, but the new room was just as lovely as the first one had been.

A beautiful mile long trail beside the ocean ends at a gorgeous large white sand beach. Several vacation apartments and motels access the trail, The Fireside Motel, Overleaf Lodge and Spa, as well as the Adobe Resort. I can't guarantee good weather, but we have had beautiful weather this year and when we were on the Oregon coast three years ago. We feel like we have hit the jackpot. I wish you the same kind of luck.

Sixty-one Years!

Was This the Best One Yet at Sea Ranch?

We have celebrated many anniversaries at Sea Ranch and every time they have seemed like the best one yet. The sixty-first anniversary visit was no different. We both love the ocean. We can no longer walk the two plus miles to our favorite sit-down log, but we walked to our favorite bay . Just off the trail, we walked to our secret place. It opens to a beautiful hidden view of the ocean framed by heavy green growth. We couldn't climb down to the edge like we used to do, because neither of us trust our sense of balance. We sat on the hard ground at the approach between the trees and enjoyed the sound and narrowed view of the ocean.

Five or six years ago our favorite room at Sea Ranch became unaffordable. Our 56th anniversary was the last anniversary we celebrated there. This year we decided to see if our room was available on lower cost week days. It was. We booked it for two full days and three nights. From start to finish it was everything we fantasized and hoped for.  When we reached the coast south of Bodega Bay a sparkling blue ocean bathed in brilliant sunshine greeted us. Driving curvy Highway One up the cliffs past the little town of Jenner felt wonderfully familiar. We found a bottle of Champaign waiting for us in room ten. The room had been upgraded. Still no television, clocks or telephone, but elegant and uniquely rustic. Instead of telling each other our stories as the sun set each night, we reminisced and talked about stories we now share. Stories about the red fox we had seen one night and the day we saw a rabbit come running out of the woods followed by a coyote. He jumped into the river and swam to the other side evading the coyote. Not long after that a news story reported President Carter had seen a rabbit swimming. When the reporters joked about it, we knew the president was telling the truth.

We have seen a seal give birth, an osprey catch a fish, a big buck lead his harem of seven does  proudly across the field in front of us. We have more stories together now than we had alone before we met. We both do remember and that is another blessing after sixty-one years! Three days of sunshine and balmy weather while people at home were enduring one hundred plus temperatures. If this anniversary was not the best one yet, it certainly came close!

Return to Wally's Hot Springs

     We left the Sacramento area when the weather man was predicting the first hot week of late spring. We have a timeshare at Wally's Hot Springs near Genoa, Nevada. We never tire of going to this wonderfully rural place where we can watch deer, geese, cows, and other animals birth and grow their young. This week the mild weather dominated conversations.

     Time has passed and our ageing has accelerated. In the past we enjoyed fishing at nearby lakes and streams, hiking on numerous mountain  trails and playing tennis. Now sitting in the hot mineral water pools every morning is high on our to do list. We bring books to read and writing projects. The
Flamingo Casino in nearby Carson City has wonderful champagne brunches on Saturdays and Sundays. People who can get in and out of a casino without wasting money on tight machines can enjoy the brunch.

     A walking path from Wally's leads to Genoa, the first stage coach stop in Nevada. A beautiful little park, located in the center of town features concerts in the summer. The last weekend in September every year, rows of craft vendors line every street, the park, and even fields. This craft fair called, "The Candy Dance Festival" grew from a small money raising project by townspeople to an event that brings thousands of people to Genoa in September. Ladies of the community spend weeks making fudge and divinity to sell. There is still a dance held on Saturday night.

    The tiny community church is one of the delightful places we discovered from local people sharing a hot tub with us one Sunday. The service starts at 10 o'clock Sunday mornings, so we had time to get
ready and go after leaving the spa. We have gone back every Sunday we have visited the area. Each time loving members and visitors fill the pews of the church. Getaways like this become a home away from home and do wonders for relationships.

      

Surprised by Joy

Joy at a daughter's wedding

Joy comes in many forms: feeling free of addiction after months of failed attempts to break the chains, welcoming a dearly loved family member back after a long absence, skin touching skin with a loving spouse, having a purpose, seeing a new grandchild for the first time. In marriage, joy comes off and on, deepening with passing years as each partner learns to let go of fear and a need to change the other.

Greet each day in wonder. Expectations blind us from seeing the beauty of each other. What can I learn today about the amazing complexity of who I am and who my lover is? This is a lifetime challenge.

I have recently finished reading C.S. Lewis's book Surprised by Joy for the second time. I read it the first time many years ago. Interestingly, what I got out of it this time was different. Joy does not come from seeking it. It comes as a surprise when we are able to finally discover the dimension of the spiritual part of ourselves. Letting go of expectations and opening up to beautiful differences between my self and those around me. Soul mates cannot find joy if they lose their own identity. It comes when we recognize and affirm the beauty in each other without comparison, expectations, and fear.


For more: get Elva's book: "Becoming Soul Mates". Order it from Amazon or at http://family1stbooks.com

Who Did You Choose to Love?

Do you really know that person who sits across the dinner table day after day? Expectations make us blind to the gift of the person with whom we have chosen to spend our lives. There is no way life is supposed to be. There is only life.

As years go by, I realize some of my husband's wonderful strengths become lost because I am so focused on what he should do or be. I am reinforcing his own focus on his weaknesses. We all have weaknesses and strengths. If we focus on the strengths we have twice as many as we have alone. Often each of us has the strengths that are our partner's weaknesses. Wow!  If we focus on each other's strengths we have twice as many as we had alone.

Focus on the gift your partner is rather than the one you thought you wanted. Recognize the unimaginable challenge and opportunity to become more and more mature in faith, in love, and in joy. Embrace that opportunity to grow by accepting and learning from each other. Understand that relationship is the therapeutic process that can lead to satisfying maturity.


For more help order "BECOMING SOUL MATES" by Elva Anson at Amazon or http://www.family1stbooks.com .

A Night at the Ritz

Our Christmas getaway now seems much like dreams of a childhood Santa Claus. How did we become overnight guests at the splendid Ritz Carlton Hotel on the shores of a blustery Pacific Ocean at the tiny town of Half Moon Bay? It started with Scott Angeletti, a creative tour director for Sports Leisure Travel. He had hosted trips to the Ritz Hotel at Lake Tahoe as well as tours along the coast to Monterey and Carmel. He wondered if it would be possible to create a two night-three day trip to the Bay Area and negotiate an affordable stay at the Ritz on one of those nights. He succeeded.

We signed up for the trip in May so we had half a year to look forward to it. It far exceeded our expectations. On Saturday Scott served box lunches on the bus. Our first stop was at Filoli Gardens mansion. For nine days in December nearly two thousand volunteers turn the ground floor of the mansion into an upscale Christmas store to raise money to keep the gardens open to the public.

After two hours of shopping we headed to the San Jose Fairmont Hotel located next to the Ceasar Chavez Park which had been turned into a delightful Christmas park with a couple of hundred decorated Christmas trees, rides for the children, scenes of elves and Santa Claus preparing for Christmas, an outdoor ice skating rink, carnival rides, food stations and vendors. Many families enjoyed the excitement and splendor. Lost in this two block wonderland was one nativity scene. I wondered how many of those children know why we celebrate Christmas.

Two blocks north of the Fairmont Hotel the grand Cathedral Basilica of St. Joseph hosted the debut Gaude choral group concert at 8 o'clock that night. Four men and four women made up the group. They sang old German songs written as far back as the fifteenth century. The excellent acoustics in the magnificent cathedral accented the perfect harmony of the singers. A great experience!

The following day we ate an amazing brunch at the Hayes Mansion, another place with a fascinating Bay area family story. Waiting for us that evening on the grand plaza by the sea was the lighting of the Christmas tree. Seats were set up in rows and the large fire pits were lit early. A local high school boys choir entertained with Christmas songs, no traditional carols. The MC announced the winners
of the gingerbread houses lining the hotel halls. Santa Claus rode down the hill by the ocean in a golf cart. With a couple of children from the audience he lit the Christmas tree. Christmas messages and pictures were projected onto the large hotel wall.

We arrived home Monday evening full of Christmas, but looking for a missing "Merry Christmas" after being saturated with "Happy Holidays" for three days. I wish my readers a Merry Christmas and of course Happy Holidays as well.