Soul Mates Tune In to Each Other

I injured my knee this week. As a result I am on crutches. Today I was feeling bummed because I have a lot to do and I am unable to do much. My husband was on the computer working on a script. I wandered into the computer room and gave him a kiss. Then I went back to my office.

A few minutes later he came to find me. "Did you kiss me because you need to cuddle a little?" I said, "I would like that." He turned off the computer and we cuddled and reminisced. That made my day. That's what being soul mates is all about.

WHAT MAKES A LOVER?

Interesting question...How would you answer it? My answer: anyone who knows how to make their loved person feel special. I suppose that is different for different people. A man who has been married 30 years and still takes the time to open his wife's car door or seat her at a restaurant makes her feel special. When a man shows that he values a woman's opinion and enjoys being with her, she feels loved. Many women feel loved when a man makes a big deal of her birthday, Mothers' day and valentine's day. Making time to be with her also makes her feel special.

I asked my husband what makes him feel loved. He said, "When you show an interest in what I am interested in. When we are with other people and you show respect and pride in something I have done. When you tell other people that you appreciate something I have done. I like it when you tell me often that you love me and I like when you want to be close."

Talk to your lover. Ask him/her what you do that makes him/her feel loved. You, too, can become a lover.

Intentional Soul Mates

People who want to become soul mates don't rely on a magical "falling in or out of love" feeling to measure their closeness. They decide to be close and they intentionally love each other. Love is a verb, something you do.

You intentionally let go of defenses. You learn the skill of listening. You show respect and you build trust. You cannot cheat on your mate and expect to become soul mates. You identify the things you and your partner enjoy and feel passionate about. You support each other's pursuit of what brings you joy. You take time to enjoy each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Intentional living brings happiness and the chance to become soul mates.

Look for Soul Mate Tips Everywhere

We have just returned from our timeshare at Wally's Hot Springs and Spa at the base of the Sierra Nevada mountains in Nevada's Carson Valley. We find a lot to enjoy in the calmness and quiet of this peaceful haven.

In the evenings we enjoy watching old movies on Turner Classic Movies. We don't have cable on our TV at home. I discover many wonderful soul mate tips in old movies, both things to do and things not to do. "Roughly Speaking", a 1945 movie starring Rosalind Russell and Robert Hutton had lessons in relationships that are timeless. Another Rosalind Russell movie, "The Citadel", made in 1938 also had lessons to learn. The outdated fashions, customs, appliances, transportation, and housing make the movies fun. Check out an old movie and see how much you can learn and have fun doing it.

Could You Take Advice from Dr. Phil?

Soul mates must be willing to listen and learn. When a couple comes into my office, it doesn't take long for me to figure out what has gone wrong and what each person must work on to make the relationship better. Unfortunately, I cannot lay it out in a confrontational way like Dr. Phil does. His clients have agreed to hear what he has to say. Basically, they cannot leave.

Here is what often happens when counselors in private practice confront their clients. They become very defensive and some of them will jump up and yell, "I won't stay here and listen to that. I'm out of here." Sometimes they come back but often they don't. They have come to the counselor to have him/her fix their partner. That never works!

If you want to become soul mates, each of you have to be open to working on yourself. If you drop your defenses and seek to understand, your chance of becoming soul mates soars.

Evaluate What You Bring to Relationship

Ask yourself. What do I bring to this relationship? Make two lists. One will list the positives: affection, sense of humor, enthusiasm, excitement, trust, responsibility, kindness, joy, cheerfulness, dependability, good manners, acceptance, openness to learning. The other will list the negatives: criticism, worry, irresponsibility, selfishness, disrespect, control, indifference, complaint, moodiness, aloofness, lack of affection, rudeness, jealousy.

Take a look at the two lists.......Be honest. Give yourself affirmation for the positives. Take them in and feel good about them. Then look at the negatives. Select one of them to work to improve.

YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO BECOMING A SOUL MATE!

Does E-dating Help to Find a Soul Mate?

What if you didn't have the advantage of meeting your partner through e-dating? You didn't see a resume' of his/her likes and dislikes on Facebook or My-Space. Does that mean you have less chance of becoming soul mates?

RELAX!   The good news--you have not been robbed of the fun of discovery through dating. Much of the excitement of courtship and even lifelong partnership are discoveries about your partner and yourself. My husband and I have been married 53 years!   Gasp!   Really!   When he tells a story about himself I have never heard, it makes my day. Living with a soul mate reminds me of looking into a kaleidoscope. Each day brings new patterns and color.