Relationship and Burned Toast



Wesley Turnipseed on Facebook 

 

 

Several years ago I wrote a blog about burned toast and relationship. When I saw Wesley Turnipseed's piece, I thought it was worth adding to my soul mate tips. Enjoy.

 

 

One night that stands out in my mind is when my mother had made dinner for us after a long hard day at work. She placed a plate of jam and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. Not slightly burnt but completely blackened toast.

 

I was waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt toast and would say anything. Dad just ate the toast and asked me if I did my homework and how my day was. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologizing to Dad for burning the toast. I will never forget what he said.

 

"Sweetie, I love burned toast."

 

Later that night I went to my dad to tell him good-night and ask if he really liked his toast burned. He put his arm on my shoulder and said,

 

Your momma put in a very long day at work today and she was very tired. And besides. A burnt toast never hurts anyone, but you know what does? Harsh words! He continued, "Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything. I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like every other human. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults and choosing to celebrate each other's differences is one of the most important keys for creating a healthy, growing and lasting relationship. Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right and have compassion for the ones who don't."

 

Enjoy life now!





Kauai Coast Resort--Everett's Version

The idea of Elva and I both writing about our getaway to Kauai didn't appeal to me at first. We have been to Kauai before, but this was different. We had a suite overlooking the ocean near Wailua at the Kauai Coast Resort. We have always enjoyed the ocean. I often say the waves rolling in on the beach and going back out to the sea are like a mental massage that takes our cares away. We sit on our balcony, feel the cool ocean breeze and watch the waves relentlessly wash up on the shore.

It is a place like this where we talk to each other the most and share our inner feelings. On this trip I finished "The Story" which is a condensation of the entire Bible. I also read Elva's book, "Becoming Soul Mates" from cover to cover. I had read parts of it before. I am amazed at how close we've become over the last 60 years. I can hardly believe I was ever as young as I was when some of the things she wrote about happened. It has been good to refresh my memories. I am very glad Elva said yes to me when I proposed to her so long ago. Getaways are wonderful!!

Getaway to Kauai Coast Resort

 Ours is the closest balcony on the 3rd floor.

By the time I was 45 years old I had visited 16 countries, but I had never been to Hawaii. One day the mail brought a brochure from the Psychiatric Congress advertising an interesting workshop to be held in the spring. This was a chance to go to Hawaii and pick up half of my 36 required CEU's at the same time. I signed up and talked my husband into joining me.

The day we arrived in Lihue I remember smelling the exotic fragrance of thousands of flowers. All the way from the airport to our hotel at Poipu Beach I was catching my breath in awe at the beauty surrounding us. By the time we reached the Tunnel of Trees, I had run out of words to adequately match my feelings of wonder. Paradise is an overworked word on the island of Kauai.

We have just returned from another week in Kauai. In spite of the devastation caused by a hurricane in 1992, the island looks much the same. The biggest change since we were here a few years ago is the increase in traffic. I don't know whether it is because of an increase in population, an increase in the number of tourists, or because more residents can afford cars; maybe all of those things.

This getaway has been as close to heaven as anything I can imagine. Our third floor ocean front unit at Kauai Coast Resort with its balcony just 50 to 60 feet from the ocean is truly a memory creating place. We have filled it with hugs and kisses, words of love, and expressoins of joy. Hawaii is truly a place where love comes easily.

California Coast Getaway

 

 

by Guest Blogger--Michele Penn Zumwalt

  

 

Yesterday morning while John Zumwalt was sleeping, I decided to look at our route for today. We had planned to drive up the California coast and I was secretly worried about the roads and CLIFFS we would be driving. As I scanned the blue line up Hwy 1, all along the coast, my heart started to pound and my hands got sweaty. I decided right then and there. I was NOT going on that road.

 

When John woke up, I had two routes to Carmel all laid out for him. My argument for the second route looked like this: The original route along the coast would take an HOUR longer than just heading back to the inland Hwy 101 and going straight up.

 

I said. "It will be much faster and then we can spend more time in Carmel."

 

After 21 years of marriage, I cannot hide much and persuasion is easy. He simply said, "Baby, I'll 

go whichever way you want to go, but I thought you wanted to see this part of the coastline." 

 

He left the decision to me. Encouraging me to face my fears  and promising to drive SLOW. we said prayers and began the most beautiful drive we've ever been on together. When we reached Carmel , I told Johnny Z. all of the things I would NEVER have done without him: scuba diving, karate, and much more. I told him how grateful I am for his gentle, encouraging way and his constant confidence in me.

 

This morning I woke up thanking God once again for opening my mind, for trying new things and for a husband who says, YOU CAN DO IT, and it will be FUN. You know what? It always is.

 

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Ahwahnee Hotel at Yosemite

Yosemite! The word instantly brings back memories. A little girl looking forward to camping with her family. Watching the magic of falls made of fire after listening to "Let the Fire Fall" ring out through the valley. Wet hikes beside torrents of sparkling water. Mesmerized in a fairyland called "The Happy Isles" wondering what it would be like to jump into the water and let it take me along on all of the secret places it explores.

Other memories of waking up on a rainy night to hear and smell a bear in our tent. Hanging on to the tent pole to keep the tent from collapsing while our visitor noisily ate up all of our food and its containers. Cleaning cabins in the summer and on weekends at Camp Curry while I was a college student.

Nineteen-fifty-one was the year my friends and I visited the Ahwahnee and made the wish; some day I want to stay here overnight. That some day happened two weeks ago when my husband and I joined a Sports Leisure two day tour to the Ahwanhee Hotel in Yosemite.

It was just as magic as I hoped it would be. No snow, but enough rain to put on a great waterfalls and river show, new falls competing with the famous old ones. We could see Yosemite Falls from our hotel window.

We sat by a roaring fire in the giant lobby fireplace, ate in the magnificent dining room, admired Indian handiwork, took the hotel tour, this time as guests! All of this was arranged and managed for us by our tour director, Ramona Goodge who shared stories about the people, places, and history of this beautiful National Park.

To top it all off, when at dinner my husband, Everett, requested our song, "Indian Love Call", the pianist knew it. We had had to adopt a new song because musicians would tell us they had never heard of "Indian Love Call." Looking into each other's eyes, listening to "our song" we both agreed crossing off getaways on our bucket list excites us.

Sex and Intimacy

Nine out of ten men believe intimacy means sex. Interestingly, when women complain about lack of intimacy, men don't understand what they want. For intimacy to occur, there must be interest, respect, warmth, acceptance and trust. It involves understanding, talking, and listening. It requires an awareness of being loved and feeling loving.

The dictionary definition of intimacy: "intrinsic, innermost...marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity, marked by warm friendship, suggesting informal warmth or privacy, of a very personal private nature." Is it any wonder relationship is difficult for everyone? The huge differences in perceptions of what love is and how to show it, lead to hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and the often spoken comment, "If you really loved me, you would........" We can't even agree on what intimacy is.

The challenge to those looking for a soul mate relationship is to accept the fact you must learn from your partner. That means spending time together sharing your stories, beliefs, and perceptions. What are your dreams, passions and concerns? You can open my book, "Becoming Soul Mates" at almost any two pages and find something to talk about. Little by little you will create the intimacy that leads to becoming soul mates.

Becoming Soul Mates--A New Year's Goal

How to Become Soul Mates

Even the most reclusive person cannot escape relationships. Start with you. Think back to the first, second, and third years of your life. Even if you don't have conscious memories of those years, you can probably reconstruct some of the things you do know into some kind of idea of what your first relationships must have been like.

Did you have both parents? Do you even know who both parents are? Where did you live? Farm? City? Country? What was your dwelling place? House? Apartment? Street? Were you wanted? Planned? Were you welcomed by one person or many people? What kind of caregivers were a part of your infancy? Do you have siblings? What position are you in your family? What happened to you during the first three years of your life has everything to do with this therapeutic process we call relationship.

Responding to care or lack of care not only affects early learning to talk, walk, and react. It also affects the development of perceptions about ourselves and others. Most of us form distorted perceptions of ourselves and others from the beginning. Identifying and sorting out early perceptions becomes a lifetime task in relationship.

Throw away generalizations and ideals, expectations, and comparisons. See your self as an individual, different from everyone else. In acceptance of that difference, we give the gift of intimacy. That is the foundation for learning to be soul mates.