Steve and Ann Beede--Together 24 Years

Steve and Ann Beede believe in love at first sight. They met on Ann's birthday in 1977 on an island in Boston Harbor. They have been together ever since. Both confirm that they knew the day they met that this is the person with whom I want to spend my life. "That day we even talked about how many Kids we would like to have," says Steve.

For Ann planning activities together has kept the romance alive. Steve agrees. "Reading Gottman's SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE and both of us really caring also helped," he adds.

"We went through three downturns in the real estate market and worked our way out", Ann said. "We never blamed each other. We worked together to overcome obstacles." "The market crash in 1986 wiped us out," Steve added.

Steve's answer to what he likes best about the relationship: "Friends, fun together, making memories, being US." Ann's answer: "Friendship and nice long drives for talking."

Improve Your Listening Skills

Very few people learn to be good listeners. If you want to speed up your relationship's evolution toward soul mate status, learning to listen is the key.

Here is how:
Focus on the idea the speaker is trying to get across to you.
Try to understand what he/she is saying.
Resist forming arguments against the idea.
Do not ridicule or discount.
Practice listening every day.
Ignore distractions.
Keep an open mind.
Do not make assumptions, clarify.
Try to understand rather than try to be understood.

For more on talking and listening, check out "Becoming Soul Mates--How to Create the Lifelong Relationship You Always Dreamed Of" by Elva Anson.

Spring Fever in Shenandoah Valley

It becomes increasingly clear that for long-term relationships to evolve into soul mate status both people in the relationship must invest time and energy. Date nights and get-aways provide opportunities for lovers to focus on and learn more about each other.

Use these together times to have fun and to let go of the stress and conflict of financial, work, parenting, and other problems. Tell each other your stories. Have playful sex. Explore new places. Meet new people. Try new things. Look for what you enjoy about your mate.

I had a choice Friday. I could go to my professional meeting of marriage family therapists or I could go for a beautiful spring drive with my soul mate to the Shenandoah Valley for lunch. Guess which I chose.

British Columbia Beauty in California

Our March get-away took us into a wonderland of glistening snow covered mountains, rivers rushing to keep up with the excess water, and trees trying not to break under their unusually heavy load of snow. It reminded me of traveling through British Columbia uttering unstoppable oh's and ah's.

Carson Valley, spotted with splashes of snow, stretched to meet us as we descended on the east side of the Sierras. The ecstatic squawking of mating geese filled the air. There must have been hundreds of geese happily settled with their mates in their marshland nests. We felt one with spring as we carried our suitcase into our time share apartment and focused our attention on each other for the next two days.

John and Michele Zumwalt Share Relationship Tips

We met at a recovery camp-out in June of 1991. We started dating steady and married on Nov. 20th, 1993. We knew very quickly that we were meant for each other. We started having date nights every Friday night. It was especially important when the Kids were little. Mom needed a get-away. We also pray and do Bible studies together daily.

My relapse with prescription drugs in 2003 was the most difficult time in our marriage. We sought Christian counseling and God has helped us find our way back to Him and to each other. Johnny and I share our journey with Jesus. Our marriage is a true mission. We are friends, but more than that, we are faithful friends who are Kingdom building TOGETHER.

What Women Want From Men

Webster's dictionary describes intimacy this way: "intrinsic, innermost...marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity, marked by a warm friendship, suggesting, warmth or privacy, of a very personal or private nature." In surveys that question what women want most in relationships, nine out of ten women say intimacy. Is it any wonder that a recent survey on the website, "How to Get the Man of Your Dreams", found that women desire courtship?

Are you a woman who likes to have a guy open her car door, seat her at a dinner table, help her with her coat? Do you admire the guy who occasionally plans a surprise get-away to his wife's favorite place? How about the guy who brings a rose or her favorite CD to his date? I know a man who emailed poetry he wrote to the woman he loved. She loved it.

A man who makes a woman feel special with his thoughtful attention has learned how to be a lover. Women look for that kind of man. You can bet she tells her friends all of the special things he does. Unfortunately, they may ask their guy, "Why don't you ever do anything like that?"

Lisa Ling and Paul Song Learn A Lesson

RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFICULT! Being "in love' does not change that. Working with couples reinforces my opinion that this is unavoidable in relationships in general as well as in intimate relationships. The closer you become to someone, the more certain it becomes that you will at some point feel hurt, frustrated, and disappointed.

Recently, "People Magazine" printed an article in which well-known correspondent, Lisa Ling, shared how she and husband, physician and biotech firm president Paul Song, struggled through troubling times. Song's father died of gall bladder cancer, his mother had a bad car accident, and Ling had a miscarriage. Instead of disconnecting from each other, Paul and Lisa realized their marriage needed mending and they started therapy.

One of the essential ingredients necessary for becoming soul mates is commitment. You will see that over and over as couples share their stories. Instead of thinking first of divorce, find a good marriage therapist who believes in marriage. Open up to understanding and learning what you can do to get through the difficulty. At the very least, you will learn more about yourself and relationship which will be of value for the rest of your lives.