Could You Take Advice from Dr. Phil?

Soul mates must be willing to listen and learn. When a couple comes into my office, it doesn't take long for me to figure out what has gone wrong and what each person must work on to make the relationship better. Unfortunately, I cannot lay it out in a confrontational way like Dr. Phil does. His clients have agreed to hear what he has to say. Basically, they cannot leave.

Here is what often happens when counselors in private practice confront their clients. They become very defensive and some of them will jump up and yell, "I won't stay here and listen to that. I'm out of here." Sometimes they come back but often they don't. They have come to the counselor to have him/her fix their partner. That never works!

If you want to become soul mates, each of you have to be open to working on yourself. If you drop your defenses and seek to understand, your chance of becoming soul mates soars.

Evaluate What You Bring to Relationship

Ask yourself. What do I bring to this relationship? Make two lists. One will list the positives: affection, sense of humor, enthusiasm, excitement, trust, responsibility, kindness, joy, cheerfulness, dependability, good manners, acceptance, openness to learning. The other will list the negatives: criticism, worry, irresponsibility, selfishness, disrespect, control, indifference, complaint, moodiness, aloofness, lack of affection, rudeness, jealousy.

Take a look at the two lists.......Be honest. Give yourself affirmation for the positives. Take them in and feel good about them. Then look at the negatives. Select one of them to work to improve.

YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO BECOMING A SOUL MATE!

Does E-dating Help to Find a Soul Mate?

What if you didn't have the advantage of meeting your partner through e-dating? You didn't see a resume' of his/her likes and dislikes on Facebook or My-Space. Does that mean you have less chance of becoming soul mates?

RELAX!   The good news--you have not been robbed of the fun of discovery through dating. Much of the excitement of courtship and even lifelong partnership are discoveries about your partner and yourself. My husband and I have been married 53 years!   Gasp!   Really!   When he tells a story about himself I have never heard, it makes my day. Living with a soul mate reminds me of looking into a kaleidoscope. Each day brings new patterns and color.

Who Can Be Soul Mates?

Somebody asked me if soulmates can be the same sex. My answer is "yes." Most of us have more than one soul mate, but over a lifetime you will probably not have more than five or six. A soul mate is someone who accepts you just as you are and likes you anyway. When you are with a soul mate, hours together can seem like minutes. When you reconnect after being apart, sometimes even for years, it seems as if there has been no time lapse.

Soul mates are about unique connection. Can you create this kind of relationship? I think so, but you must want to understand rather than to be understood. You must be able to let go of judgment and control. You must feel safe. Above all, you must be able to accept this person just as they are.

Vacations

Whew! We are just back from a 3,000 mile trip through the Southwest. Mostly a great time! Learning to travel well together can add to the joy of being soul mates. Patience helps. Take it easy. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Take turns with everything--music, things to do, driving, and when to do what. So many things to decide together and so much fun when both of you get to do some of what you want. Our trip took us to Palm Springs, Tucson to see our son in two plays, Sedona, Bryce and Zion Canyons. Such color, grandeur, and awesome beauty.

What we didn't count on....our son's house getting broken into the day before we arrived. My son and husband both getting colds and finally in Sedona my getting sick enough to have to visit an emergency room at the hospital in Kanab, Utah. Things happen!

Things worked out. We had a great time and have lots of pictures to remember it all. It's great to be in love and feel the partnership and support of your soul mate. I hope you are having good getaways this summer, too.