A Lifetime Goes Too Fast

Yesterday's mail brought shocking news from long time friends. Years ago I taught first grade at Wilson School in Sanger, California where my friend, Joyce was also teaching first grade. Our husbands, Everett and LeRoy drove together to Fresno State College. We did a lot of fun things together.

Eventually, Joyce and LeRoy bought a farm in Cabool, Missouri. Like us, they had become soul mates and celebrated 50 plus years together. Joyce wrote that in December 2007 LeRoy was feeling tired. They thought it was just ageing. He went to the doctor and was diagnosed with leukemia. Sixteen days later he died. Joyce has lost her soul mate.

Life is short. Make each day count. Don't waste it being angry and disconnected from your lover. There is so much to enjoy about each other. Celebrate those things.

Talking, Feelings, Doing

In my office I have a therepeutic game for children called, "The Talking,Feeling, and Doing Game". What a great way to describe the relationship between soul mates. Talking and feeling heard and validated. Feeling and experiencing the security of being supported and understood. Doing and finding all kinds of activities that are fun because the two of you are engaged with each other. Score yourself on these three elements of satisfying relationship. Resist judging your partner. Remember, you can only change yourself.

Focus on the Joyous Moments

How often do you think about and relive the small moments in your relationship that bring a smile and a warm flush of pleasure? They don't have to be big things. I feel this warmth when I think of times when I have come home from work at night to find that Everett has gone out and opened the garage door in anticipation of my coming. Or when he shuts off the computer when he hears me enter the house and comes to greet me. Sometimes he stops what he is doing to listen and talk to me.

Does your partner know that you appreciate these acts of love? Tell him/her. You will bring a smile and warm feeling to him/her as well.

A word of warning: do not expect these things as an entitlement. Such thoughtful acts are usually occasional voluntary ways of showing love. That is what makes them special.

Learning to Love

What a relief! Love in not an involuntary force, mystical and mysterious, that sweeps us into an unwanted temporary bliss we haven't sought. We hear songs about the desperate out-of-control emotions that justify starting and leaving questionable relationships. We see these relationships portrayed in the media as desireable and something to hope for. Why can't I have such perfection? Oh! to be in love!

The good news is a deeply satisfying relationship does not have to be a fantasy or a dream. You can achieve that if you are open to learning about yourself and your partner. Openness to learning is essential. If both you and your partner make this your goal, in time you will reach the ultimate relationship becoming soul mates.

Soul Mates Tune In to Each Other

I injured my knee this week. As a result I am on crutches. Today I was feeling bummed because I have a lot to do and I am unable to do much. My husband was on the computer working on a script. I wandered into the computer room and gave him a kiss. Then I went back to my office.

A few minutes later he came to find me. "Did you kiss me because you need to cuddle a little?" I said, "I would like that." He turned off the computer and we cuddled and reminisced. That made my day. That's what being soul mates is all about.