Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson on Relationship

Anne and Kate answer questions about relationship in the January 19th issue of "People Magazine". "I don't believe in 'the one', says Anne, "but I believe these are people you're meant to spend your life with."

"It comes down to how comfortable people are with intimacy," according to Hudson. "People who are accepting of that usually have the longest lasting relationships."

What do you think? Can people have good relationships without being comfortable with intimacy? Intimacy sounds simple, but it is not. The word "intimacy" brings up every fantasy of love we have ever had. Learning how to balance autonomy, which means being in charge of your own life, and connection has everything to do with how well we do relationships.

No wonder so many people feel baffled in their quest for intimacy. We have a primal longing for connection, but at the same time we fear it. For more about this, check out "Becoming Soul Mates--How to Create the Lifelong Relationship You Always Dreamed Of."

What You Can Learn from Divorce

Perhaps your attempts at marriage have ended in pain, disappointment and even despair. Is there hope for you to ever have a soul mate relationship? Of course, if you can learn from your experience.

Grieve the loss of the relationship. Be willing to experience the pain and learn more about yourself and what you need to know before getting into another relationship. What do you want in relationship? Avoid getting into relationship with someone who is married. If they are willing to cheat on their spouse, trust will always be an issue.

Take your time. Accept and respect yourself. Don't dwell on hurts from the past. Focus on and value what you have learned from past relationships. You can always take some positive things from any relationship you have had with someone you have loved.

Create the Relationship You Want

Probably the most difficult challenge people face is learning how to create good relationships. That is why books like Colene Sawyer's "Fishing in the Moonlight" and my book "Becoming Soul Mates" are helpful. Colene's book includes exercises you can do to help you learn to be a good partner. It also helps you learn how to move on when you have had a relationship fail.

"Becoming Soul Mates" gives help for making differences work for you rather than against you. It emphasizes the importance of starting with knowing and respecting yourself. It takes you through some of the complexities of listening and talking. Finally, it leaves you with 20 important bits of advice essential for intimacy. If you want to learn more, check out these books.

We Hit the Jackpot on This Get-Away

Full moon--balmy sunny weather--great food--uneventful three and a half hour trip to our old room at Sea Ranch Lodge. It all added up to a feeling of hitting the jackpot!

Through the years this corner room with its window seats next to big windows facing the ocean north and west has been the place Everett and I have connected and learned about each other. We have celebrated many anniversaries there. The room is rustic and poorly lighted with no television. We lie on the window seats with the ocean breeze coming in the open windows and watch the sun disappear into the ocean. We talk as the room grows darker.

When the Silicon Valley was thriving, prices at Sea Ranch skyrocketed and we had to find cheaper lodging at nearby Gualala. We could afford this year's winter rates, so we decided to celebrate my birthday at this special place. We took a walk and saw deer, seals, pelicans, and wonder of wonders two whales traveling south. We have a favorite log about two miles from the lodge. That is were we sit and reminisce.

To top off this perfect get-away, Monday night the lodge had an appreciation party for their employees and they invited the lodge guests. The chef is excellent and he had an array of great food set out in a large buffet. The food, wine, and people were outstanding and it was all complementary. I couldn't believe how blessed we were. We will remember this trip until we die or lose our memories, whatever comes first.

Are Hugh Jackman and Delorra-Lee Furness Soul Mates?

"The Sexiest Man Alive," Hugh Jackman, and his wife, Deborra, appear to be on their way to becoming soul mates. Married 12 years they have made each other and family their highest priority. When Jackman was asked, "What makes you Happiest?' by a People Magazine reporter, he answered, "Being with my family, definitely, without a doubt."

"If someone asks me what it's like to be married to the Sexiest Man Alive," says Deborra, "I'll say' Damned interesting and a lot of fun!' Hugh is sexy to me every day because he is always truly himself."

Fame puts tremendous pressure on relationships. Fame comes and goes. Soul mate reationships last forever. I hope Hugh and Deborra will always realize that and keep their relationship growing. I wish them well.