Patrick Swayze and Lisa Niemi Became Soul Mates

Patrick was 19 and Lisa was 15 when they met as dance students. They married in 1975. When talking to People Magazine about the secret to their long-term marriage, Patrick said, "You gotta keep the friendship alive, gotta keep interested, gotta keep remembering it's not about you, but it';s about us."

In their book, "The Time of My Life," Lisa writes, "Writing this book gave us the opportunity to explore the journey of our lives. Finding our story both illuminating and unexpected, we ultimately find within it a strength, richness and deep love that will, and has, always endured."

And in the book from Patrick, "there's my relationship with Lisa. I can't even begin to express what she has meant to me over the years....I can no more imagine life without her than I can imagine living without my own heart."

PARICK AND LISA HAVE LIVED WHAT IT MEANS TO BECOME SOUL MATES.

Who Is First in Your Life?

Who comes first in your mind and thoughts? Hopefully, your partner has the top spot. Do somethig nice for him/her every day. Stay interested in what he/she does or says. Worry more about whether you are being a good partner than whether your partner is being a good mate to you.

Be more patient and kind to the person who means the most to you. Stay open to listening. Try not to judge. Be open to learning more about why you each behave and believe the way you do. Accept your partner. Don't try to change him/her. Then enjoy each other every day.

Relationship Is Like A New Bank Account

In a relationship you start out at zero. What you put into the relationship is what you probably will get out of it. If you put nothing in or get nothing in return it is like investing in a bank that has gone bankrupt. That kind of relationship is a loser.

The quality of the relationship is based on the same principle. The better you are to your partner, the happier he/she will be and that means he/she will more likely be warm and thoughtful to you. Usually you get what you give. If that doesn't happen there is something wrong with that relationship.

Brenda Novak Offers Tips on Love

The Sacramento Bee recently asked Brenda Novak, romance writer, for some ideas on how to make love last. She gave eleven suggestions. Number one: "Avoid negative thought patterns." Some men and women get attention and strokes by being victim. These men will joke in negative ways about their partners with their friends. They talk about their partner's "bitching" about everything. Women complain to friends about always having to plan things to do or that their partner doesn't do his share. She always has to do everything.

It is difficult to live with a negative partner. It is hard enough for anyone to practice focusing on what is going right, but when you live with someone focused on what is wrong it makes it even more difficult. So take Brenda's number one suggestion seriously.

Sheraton Hotel at Kona

The Sheraton Hotel at the Keauhou Bay is within walking distance of our timeshare. It is a magnificent hotel right on the water with a huge open-air lounge where we can sit and feel the sea breeze, hear the breakers beat against the shore, and watch boats of all descriptions go by. Everett and I spend time here, reading, writing, talking and recording it all in our memories to take home with us.

On troublesome days or times of stress we will come back to this place in our minds. We will hear the waves, feel the sea breeze, and connect again in our love for each other. It is a treasure that can be accesed when the ocean is far away and life is not so carefree.
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Perfect Brides from Japan

At the Bamboo Restaurant in Hawii at the north tip of the Big Island an old picture of sixteen Japanese women lined up in two rows graced the wall at the head of our table. Under the picture was a plaque explaining how the women at ages 16 and 17 volunteered to come to Hawaii to marry the pineapple and sugar cane workmen. It described them as very brave.

It made me wish I could talk to them now to find out how those marriages turned out. I wonder if any of the couples became soul mates. Only one of them had a happy smiling face.

What do you think? I would be interested in seeing your comment.

Hawaii--A Place of Romantic Enchantment

If you want to "fall in love" bring your partner to Hawaii. We have just returned from the Kona Coast relaxed and more "in love" than ever. We atttended a group meeting where we were identified as the longest married couple. The speaker asked Everett to tell the newlyweds in the group how to have a long marriage. He said, "Accept criticism and don't be angry." I was horrified. I tell couples,
"criticism is never useful and feelings are important." Apparently, what I thought I was doing and how I was doing were far apart.

Later, Everett told me, "I hate being asked questions like that. It is too hard to think on my feet. What I meant to say was, don't be defensive and learn to manage anger." Either way I think every couple struggles with learning not to blame and not to be defensive. When you have learned those two things, you will be able to talk about anything with each other. It is a lot easier to do that in Hawaii!