Couples Married 50 Years or Longer Give Advice

Walter and Mary Bieri

More Advice From Long Married Couples     The advice given in this series of blogs comes from a study of couples married 50 years or longer......


You have to really like each other. That means being able to listen to each other no matter what the subject.

Always be willing to walk away when a subject becomes too heated, but always be willing to come back to it when you are both calm.

Never call each other names when you are angry. Just say, I am angry right now.

Love must be nurtured. Kindness and respect are a part of the nurturing.

Share common goals and find common interests.

Give each other plenty of space to grow and accept each other just the way they are.

Share responsibility and care of the house, children, and the relationship.

Everyone has problems. Stay together and work them out.

Agree that it's okay to disagree.

Talk things out and never give up.

Couples Married 50 Years or More Give Advice

Dave and Jacque Leek 

Secrets of a Long Marriage from Couples Married 50 Years or More

I love my husband and he loves me. We work together. We talk things out, even though sometimes it may not be a quiet discussion.

You only get out of a marriage what you put into it.

Be individuals. Give each other space.

Have fun together and never get too old to hold hands.

Never give advice unless it's asked for and then be careful not to tell him/her what to do.

Take responsibility for your own feelings, needs, and happiness.

Friends will always let you down. Don't be fragile. Toughen up.

Never stop learning listening skills. Be aware of subjects you react to.

Do everything you can to express your love. Never let a day go without telling each other, "I love you."

Always make marriage and family a top priority.

Secrets to a Long Marriage

Gene and Georgia Schroeder

Couples Married 50 Years Or Longer

"We're seeing more and more couples that have lasted where friendship is one of the big factors. If they're from a close family, that provides a huge social network that contributes to marital longevity. Couples have more to draw on and more commitment to the greater good of the family."

That comment comes from Todd Migliaccio, California State University, Sacramento sociology professor. My husband, Everett, and I were one of the dozens of couples married more than 50 years interviewed by Professor Migliaccio. Interestingly, he was not married at the time.

My own mother died four years before she and my dad reached their 50th anniversary, but many older couples reach that milestone. Presently, more than half of American marriages have lasted more than 15 years according to census figures. About 30 percent of married couples celebrate 25 years together. Experts theorize about what makes it possible to make a marriage last. The true answers come from those who year in and year out through good times and bad, find ways to make their marriages work.

Look forward to future blog posts giving answers by those who have made marriage work. I welcome pictures of people who have been married 50 years or longer with their names and wedding dates.

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Bed and Breakfast Getaway

Reedley Country Inn

Going to Kings Canyon or Sequoia National Parks? Consider spending the first night in the quiet exquisite Reedley Country Inn. Owner, Linda Penner, once lived in the pink house surrounded by beautiful gardens bordered by peach orchards. She has spent her life searching for unusual art objects which she skillfuly incorporates into each of five rooms. She combines comfort and beauty.

We traveled to Reedley Saturday to attend my high school reunion. We looked forward to our fourth stay at this unusual Bed and Breakfast Inn. The colorful arbors and rose gardens make it a favorite wedding location as well as a newly wed destination.

If you are looking for a peaceful quiet affordable place to get away and relax, you won't find any place better. Remember to take your camera, walking shoes, and books to read. You will find places in the shade to sit and talk surrounded by flowers.

Celebrating an "Elevator Speech" Win

Contests--Worthwhile or Waste of Time

Maybe I needed to boost my self esteem and confidence, but I had an insatiable attraction to competition as a high school student. As freshmen, my friend and I won the traditional freshman/sophomore debate, the first time it had been won by freshmen. I won the local Lion's Club speech contest and went on to the county event where I came in second. The winner went on to compete at the state level. A winning essay sent me to Sacramento as my high school's female representative to the YMCA Model Legislature where I met California Governor Earl Warren. Another winning essay resulted in a visit to the Freedom Train which was traveling around the country at that time.

College dampened my interest in competition, but every now and then as an adult I have entered writing contests. Rarely have I gotten even an honorable mention. I dismissed my lack of success to unfair judging. LOL.

This week it happened. My NCPA colleagues voted my "elevator speech" first place in a contest they sponsored. Here it is. What do you think?

"Give your relationship skills a rating. Do you kiss frogs and hope for a miracle? Go on a lifetime search for a "soul mate"? Become a therapist? Open my book, Becoming Soul Mates at any two pages and find something to talk about with your special person. Your relationship skills will soar."

That is an elevator speech!

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How Would Your Mate Rate You as a Lover?

celebrating our 58th anniversary in 2013

Does Your Lover Feel Loved?

A Good Lover:
         has  the ability: to laugh, play, comment

         skills: of listening, hearing, understanding

         likes: touching, hugging, kissing

         notices, compliments, admires

How often do you tell your special person, "I love you"? If that is something you feel but never think to say, make it a prioity to remember to say it every day. Eventually, it becmes natural to say it when you get up in the morning and when you go to bed at night. You cannot say it too often. Touching, hugging, kissing come naturally when you love and feel loved.

Talking and listening skills are a part of noticeing and caring. Very few people have good listening skills so many people feel misunderstood and not heard. When your lover believes you understand him/her, she/he feel loved.

Noticeing, complimenting, and admiring are like the icing on the cake. When a woman proudly shares with her friends something special her mate has done, he feels ten feet tall. When he shows his admiration of her in front of friends, she feels adored.

The best place to start is to say, "I love you," not once but many times. If you don't feel loved, let your mate know how good it feels when he/she tells you. Touch him and smile when you respond, "I love you, too."

Get-Aways That Draw Us Back

So many places to see. So much beauty to enjoy. So little time to see it all. Yet we find ourselves drawn back to a few places over and over. We have recently returned from our third visit to the Marriott Star Pass Resort. This majestic desert retreat guards the Tucson Mountain Park with its towering saguaro and 20,000 acres full of desert wildlife.

Mild weather draws many guests to Tucson, Arizona in the winter. We have been there twice in August, the monsoon season. We save our money and our Marriott credit card points to make it happen. We love the continental breakfast with its steel cut oatmeal, choice of fruits, smoked salmon, cheese, nuts of all kinds and a variety of tasty fresh baked pastry. Coffee and juice are included. Our waiter remembered our names and even what we had ordered the day before. She surprised us by asking, "Do you want your apples peeled and cut again this morning?"

Our room had a fantastic view of the desert and the city of Tucson in the distance. At night we sat on the Salud Terrace to watch the sun go down and the Tucson lights magically turn the distant horizon into a fairyland of sparkling color. Another night as we returned to the hotel along the dark winding road, we rounded the corner and two young coyote cubs frolicked in our headlights.

The serenity of Star Pass and its desert wildlife has drawn us back ever since we discovered it when we stayed at the Star Pass timeshare many years ago. We hope to return again when we have saved more money and Marriott credit card points.

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