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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

What Did You Expect?

Most of us go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. What did you expect? Has it been better than you thought or have you felt let down?

You may have thought you could give your person the love they never got in childhood. That could lead to a big surprise. Then there are the practical questions. Who does what and who decides? Who decides what color to paint the house, what kind of car to buy, how we decorate, how we manage our money, do we have children and if so, how many? All of these questions and how both of you can continue to be who you are. No wonder relationship is difficult!

It helps if you each identify these expectations and share that with each other. Then laugh about it and talk about how you can get some of what you want. The "having children" question should have been thoroughly discussed before getting married. Don't expect your spouse to change his/her mind.

One way of working through this is to write down your expectations and then give them a value rating from 1-10. Then the differences can be resolved on the basis of what is most important to each person. No blaming and keep your sense of humor. You are in the process of getting to know the person you love.