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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Connection--Essential in Love

How accessible is your partner? Can you get his/her attention easily? Do you have dreams of being unable to get anyone to hear you? I once had a ten year old boy in counseling who drew a picture of himself in a house that was on fire. He was yelling for his mother. His picture of his mother showed her talking on the telephone. He told me, "She is always on the telephone and can't hear me."

To feel loved you need to know your partner is accessible. He/she will be there for you when you need him/her. You don't feel lonely or shut out in the relationship. You can share your deepest feelings with your partner. You can disagree without risk of being shut out and your partner will be open to find a way to compromise or accept disagreement. Your partner does not walk away or pick up a newspaper when you talk about feelings. Connection is essential to love.

How about you? Do you make yourself accessible to your partner? Do you honor his/her preference for what time to talk? Do you listen carefully to what he/she has to say or are you thinking about what you want to say while he/she is talking? Listen to your partner the way you want your partner to listen to you. Listening skills make connection possible.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Kona Coast Resort

Located on the magnificent Keauhou Bay south of Kona, Kona Coast Resort has attracted guests for many years. In 1993 a friend had reserved his timeshare there for his son's honeymoon. When his son cancelled his wedding, our friend offered the week to us. Enchanted by the island, we bought a one-bedroom timeshare on alternate years.

At first, we spent every day exploring the smorgasbord of differences found on the island. Our first year there, we flew in a biplane over the waterfalls along the east coast and into the still active Kilauea Volcano and west over the small village buried in lava. Cars in front of houses mired in lava looked like they only needed to be dug out. From white and also black sand beaches to lush valleys and tropical forests the Big Island has a little bit of everything plus a lot of lava.

As we grow older, our Kona Coast week has been our place to relax and let go of tension. We eat breakfast on our balcony overlooking the golf course. We share our cheerios with the birds who become less timid as the week progresses. We sit by the ocean and read our books at the nearby Sheraton Hotel waiting for Happy Hour when food and drinks are more affordable.

On our last day we took our books and went to the Sheraton at 3:30 to listen to the sea, feel its cool breeze, smell the fresh sea smell and watch the day come to a close. We had had another great week--a ranch hoedown, new friends, a beautiful dinner by the sea on the North Coast, taking in the excitement of the Iron Man race. We felt centered and ready to face the challenges waiting when we got home.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Hawaii--The Island of Love

Ah....Hawaii where love comes naturally. Hawaiians love easily and well. We have just returned from a week at our timeshare at Kona on the big island of Hawaii. Even the maintenance and housekeeping people at our timeshare wave, smile and say "Aloha" to visitors. Tourists are not always highly regarded in other parts of the world! I can't remember any other place where I feel so welcome everywhere we go.

One day we drove up the north coast of the Big Island stopping at the spectacular hotels along the way. At the Fairmont Orchid Hotel I was looking for a rest room as one of the employees walked by. I asked where it was. She laughed and said, "Look. You're standing right by it." She seemed happy to see me as if I were a long missed aunt or grandmother. She began to tell me a story about her own family. She told it so well she could have qualified for the Story Telling circuit at the Nevada County Old Schoolhouse. She seemed to enjoy the telling, laughing often. By the time she turned and went back to work I felt like I had known her for years and could give her a hug.

No wonder honeymooners and long-time lovers, like us, come here to celebrate love.