You Can Not Love Without Giving

"You can give without loving," says Robert Louis Stevenson, "but you can not love without giving."  Giving includes touch, a smile, listening, compliments, noticing what someone does right. Saying, "I love you" nurtures the relationship. Gifts come in many forms. Attention to exits and entrances (good-byes and welcome home) can make those we love feel special and cared about.

As children mature they discover that they get more joy from giving than they do from receiving. In the same way as love matures people find that giving brings more pleasure and fun than receiving. Giving does not belong exclusively to Christmas. For love to thrive giving continues all year. It increases the adventure and joy of the relationship. How have you gifted the one you love today? Try increasing those gifts each day in 2012.

Kona Coast Resort

Located on the magnificent Keauhou Bay south of Kona, Kona Coast Resort has attracted guests for many years. In 1993 a friend had reserved his timeshare there for his son's honeymoon. When his son cancelled his wedding, our friend offered the week to us. Enchanted by the island, we bought a one-bedroom timeshare on alternate years.

At first, we spent every day exploring the smorgasbord of differences found on the island. Our first year there, we flew in a biplane over the waterfalls along the east coast and into the still active Kilauea Volcano and west over the small village buried in lava. Cars in front of houses mired in lava looked like they only needed to be dug out. From white and also black sand beaches to lush valleys and tropical forests the Big Island has a little bit of everything plus a lot of lava.

As we grow older, our Kona Coast week has been our place to relax and let go of tension. We eat breakfast on our balcony overlooking the golf course. We share our cheerios with the birds who become less timid as the week progresses. We sit by the ocean and read our books at the nearby Sheraton Hotel waiting for Happy Hour when food and drinks are more affordable.

On our last day we took our books and went to the Sheraton at 3:30 to listen to the sea, feel its cool breeze, smell the fresh sea smell and watch the day come to a close. We had had another great week--a ranch hoedown, new friends, a beautiful dinner by the sea on the North Coast, taking in the excitement of the Iron Man race. We felt centered and ready to face the challenges waiting when we got home.

Columbia, Sonora, and Highway 108

An invitation to the wedding of my cousin's grandson arrived in late July. "Karen and Michael are getting married in Sonora, the heart of Gold Country," I told my husband. "That will be a great August get-away. We can see family and explore the gold country towns of Angels Camp, Columbia, and Sonora. We can top it off by crossing the Sierras on Highway 108 the next day." Highway 108 was the only California highway crossing the Sierras that we had not been on.

Columbia - Old Gold Town

What a wonderful weekend it turned out to be! The wedding at a country inn was fun. The couple even included their dog in the ceremony. After the minister pronounced the couple man and wife, they put their hands behind their backs and the minister handcuffed them together. They skipped out of the building. The dog didn't want to wake up. He lumbered reluctantly out behind them. We had a good time visiting with family at the reception.

The dog slept through the ceremony.

The next morning we headed east across the Sierras on Highway 108. The highway climbed 10,000 feet before descending to Highway 395. Snow still covered the ground at higher elevations. Lush green with lots of swiftly flowing streams and even some waterfalls kept us exclaiming our appreciation. We imagined how gorgeous it must be in the fall when the quaking aspen show off their brilliance.

It was a great weekend exploring Columbia, an old mining town, Angel's Camp where the frog jump has become world famous, and the interesting shops in the quaint towns along Highway 49. We can't wait to go back some day with our granddaughters.

Dancing in the Rain

Those who believe only sunshine brings happiness have never danced in the rain. Some of our greatest memories come from dancing in the rain. Be willing to do something different.

Skating on country roads on a full moon night. Making love on the side of a mountain. Roasting hot dogs at the river. Back pack trips in the mountain wilderness. Climbing a tree and singing old songs. Sleeping in the same sleeping bag at the top of a waterfall in freezing weather. Going gold panning. Renting a boat and rowing across a lake. Flying in a biplane. Fishing mountain streams. Looking for sea shells at the beach. Attending churches very different from yours. Going to marriage retreats. You can probably add many exciting adventures of your own.

When we had been married for about 10 years, Everett took a two and a half year job in Germany. While we were there we traveled to 16 countries. We rediscovered each other and renewed our love. Dancing in the rain is great. Try it.

Touch Is Healing

Good news for couples wanting to become soul mates.....researchers have found that massage and other supportive and caring touch lower stress hormones and blood pressure, particularly among men, while also enhancing oxytocin, a hormone believed to calm and counter stress. The findings will be published in the Oct. 14 issue of the journal "Psychosomatic Medicine".

Touch comes easily to soul mates. They touch hands and fingers throughout the day. They touch toes in bed. They cuddle and rub each other's backs, legs, and feet. Touch creates closeness, warmth, and joy. Now we can add healing to this list of pleasures and well-being.

Relationship Markers

Markers become unique to you and your soul mate. On our first date we saw a movie with theme music called, "Indian Love Call". When we went to a fair together a few months later we heard the song, "Indian Love Call" come through the speakers. That date became the pivotal point in our new relationship. "Indian Love Call" became our song.

On our honeymoon we had sparkling burgundy with our dinner one night. For many anniversaries we had sparkling burgundy even though it was the only time in the year we drank it. These are markers. They bring warm feelings of remembering. A truly sensory way to celebrate closeness.

Interestingly, markers may change. At some point when we requested the song, "Indian Love Call" musicians would look puzzled and say, "I never heard of it.' I don't think they even make sparkling burgundy any more. We haven't drunk it for many years. We do have new sensory markers. The sound of the ocean, Jennifer Rush's "The Power of Love", steamed clams on valentine's day. All of these things are intimate reminders of our love.

Focus on the Joyous Moments

How often do you think about and relive the small moments in your relationship that bring a smile and a warm flush of pleasure? They don't have to be big things. I feel this warmth when I think of times when I have come home from work at night to find that Everett has gone out and opened the garage door in anticipation of my coming. Or when he shuts off the computer when he hears me enter the house and comes to greet me. Sometimes he stops what he is doing to listen and talk to me.

Does your partner know that you appreciate these acts of love? Tell him/her. You will bring a smile and warm feeling to him/her as well.

A word of warning: do not expect these things as an entitlement. Such thoughtful acts are usually occasional voluntary ways of showing love. That is what makes them special.

Vacations

Whew! We are just back from a 3,000 mile trip through the Southwest. Mostly a great time! Learning to travel well together can add to the joy of being soul mates. Patience helps. Take it easy. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Take turns with everything--music, things to do, driving, and when to do what. So many things to decide together and so much fun when both of you get to do some of what you want. Our trip took us to Palm Springs, Tucson to see our son in two plays, Sedona, Bryce and Zion Canyons. Such color, grandeur, and awesome beauty.

What we didn't count on....our son's house getting broken into the day before we arrived. My son and husband both getting colds and finally in Sedona my getting sick enough to have to visit an emergency room at the hospital in Kanab, Utah. Things happen!

Things worked out. We had a great time and have lots of pictures to remember it all. It's great to be in love and feel the partnership and support of your soul mate. I hope you are having good getaways this summer, too.

Celebrate! Celebrate! Celebrate!

Celebrations give life and excitement to your relationship.

Soul mates celebrate anything and everything--anniversaries of a first date, engagement, wedding; holidays of all kinds; birthdays; the beginning and ending of seasons; and especially each other.

Guys, do you sometimes wonder why your special person can get excited about flowers or cards? Part of the reason is that women love to tell other women the great things their man has done for them. Her friends say, "Wow! You are lucky. I wish I had a guy like that." It makes her feel affirmed as someone who is truly loved and lucky as well. When she feels loved and loving, you benefit, of course.