Gene and Georgia Schroeder Together Since 1957

We met at a church college and career group in 1957. We car-pooled and did almost everything together for 3 years and married in July 1960. We are celebrating our 50th year of marriage this year.

I was always early to meetings. When I opened the door that day in September, I found Georgia sitting on a table in her white fur trimmed coat. I was smitten. Before September ended I was sure the Lord was leading us to a unique oneness with Him here on earth.

Romance came from being together and exploring our common interest in God and His leading. Our lives touched in special ways that would say, "I care about you. You are important to me. I want to do this for and/or with you. This flower is just for you. I wrote this poem for you. I love you.

The best thing about our relationship is the knowledge that our relationship comes through the Lord in all its unique aspects. We know it will last for the time He has appointed for us to use it with Him for His glory and the benefit of others and us. We look forward to our eternal relationship with Christ.

Laurie and Paul Ferrari Together Since 1996

Paul and I met when his sister was getting married and I was her bridesmaid. We met in September and didn't see each other again until January for the wedding. We started dating a week after the wedding. We have been together 15 years and we now have two little boys.

I knew Paul was the one, because after meeting him I didn't want to be away from him. He lived in San Francisco and I lived in Sacramento. What has keep our romance alive is having date nights and talking about the things we are passionate about.

Initially, our moms' moving at different points in our lives created tension and conflict. We have a son with Asperger's so there has been stress about our children. Recently job loss, financial concerns , and family crisis have caused stress.

What keeps our relationship good is that we have a spirit of togetherness and we laugh together often. We face the world together with love and humor. That is what works for us.

Experts on Dating, Love, and Relationships

Since I began writing about relationships tips, I have received ideas from many people who call themselves relationship experts. How does someone qualify as a relationship expert? Are you an expert on dating, love, and relationship?

I recently received a news release about a seminar called "Meet 'Em, Date 'Em, Keep 'Em". It read, "The afternoon brings together some of Sacramento's top experts on dating, relationships, and love. Attendees will learn everything from finding the right mate to keeping the love and romance alive over the years of a relationship." Wow! What a promise! I wonder how many of these experts have kept love and romance alive for more than 15 or 20 years.

Thousands of people call themselves relationship experts. Some of the most famous have been married and divorced five times. One said that's how she became an expert.

The best experts I have found are people who have worked on their relationships for years and are committed to making them work. As a result they have nurtured the intimacy until it has become a soul mate experience. Hang in there. You, too, may become an authentic relationship expert.

More from Dr. Jane Greer

I particularly liked Chapter 5 from Dr. Greer's book, "What About Me?" The title, "Loving Me Without Losing Us" deals with the age old question, how can I be who I am and still be connected to you? The second chapter of my book, "Becoming Soul Mates" is titled, "Begin with You". It is fundamental to good relationships. If there is no you, there is no relationship.

Dr. Greer addresses her comments on what she calls "SelfNess" to martyrs and givers. She says martyrs and givers find their self esteem by meeting the needs of their significant others. "Their sense of self depends on what and how they give and do for their partners." She gives illustrations and help for what's behind this distorted perception and how you can work on putting higher priority on your own needs.

Intimacy seldom comes to people who don't respect their own needs and set boundaries. We must be able to be who we are and stay emotionally connected to the other person who thinks, feels and believes differently without needing to change, convince, or fix him/her.

Valentine's Day the Lovers' Day to Celebrate

What are you and your special person planning for Valentine's Day? Look for special events like the "Authors' Signing Faire" at Westfield Galleria at Roseville. This event will feature authors with books about romance and love. I will be there with my book, "Becoming Soul Mates." Come and introduce yourself to me. This event is Saturday, February 12th. I am sharing a table with Pamela Johnson whose book is "Heart Pirate". It should be a lot of fun and what a great Valentine's gift for the one you love.

Whatever you do on Valentine's Day, take this opportunity to show someone you love them.

Dr. Jane Greer--"What About Me?"

What a wealth of good books on relationship wait for anyone needing help. Today I will be writing about Dr. Jane Greer's new book, "What About Me?" Dr. Greer says there are two primary areas of selfishness--sexual and emotional. She divides the selfishness scale into four categories--martyr, giver, taker, controller. She describes martyrs as completely selfless with the dominant emotion: fear. Givers are somewhat selfless. Dominant emotion: guilt. Takers expect to be given to and taken care of. Dominant emotion: disappointment. Controllers are completely selfish. Dominant emotion: anger.

Dr. Greer's book includes a quiz the reader can take to determine where on the continuum you fall. Part one of the book describes the role selfishness plays in relationships. Part two gives advice on how to move from me to we in healthy ways. Look for more about Dr. Greer's book on this blog soon.

Self Knowledge, Self Esteem in Relationship

Quite often marriages end because one partner reaches a point where he/she feels lost and says, "I need space to have an opportunity to find myself." This can be devastating. In all of the six stages of relationship Dr. Libby Kovaks describes in her book, you will struggle with understanding who you are. In the honeymoon stage you naturally feel enmeshed and separateness can feel frightening.

As you go on with life you find yourself challenged by new roles: mate, parent, son or daughter, boss, employee, student, teacher, speaker, leader, best friend, writer, athlete, expert, retiree. You get the idea. Who you are is dynamic, ever changing and sometimes confusing. Just when you think you know who you are, it no longer fits.

Then perhaps your parents age or die. Your children leave home and you feel lost and uncertain. What if you made wrong choices? Maybe you've missed out on something. All of the old resentments become persistent. You end your marriage or relationship in search of what you've missed or lost.

IS IT ANY WONDER SO FEW RELATIONSHIPS BECOME SOUL MATE RELATIONSHIPS?