Tuesday, January 14, 2014
People often ask my husband and me how long we have been married. The answer, 58 years, usually brings another question, "What is your secret?" Harvard-educated social researcher and best-selling author Shaunti Feldhahn has spent the last three years interviewing and surveying 1000 couples to get an answer to that question.
What Feldhahn found was surprisingly simple. She shares the five top things a woman wants from her man and the five top things a man wants from his woman. No one can change another person but simple easily learned ways to make your mate feel loved can go a long way toward creating a successful marriage. Everett and I can relate to many of the common areas of conflict Ms. Feldhahn addresses in her book.
Small actions carry surprising power. Focusing on the positive changes everything. When you believe the best about someone you are more likely to get the best. Keep score in a positive way. "You have worked hard all day. I will clean up the kitchen." At this stage in our own marriage we are more likely to try to get the other one to do less so we can do more.
When it comes to anger, we have found it is important to own our anger and tell our partner, "I am angry." Don't try to resolve it while you are angry. Spend time asking yourself, "why am I making myself angry about this?" Avoid blame. Cool down and then report to your mate what is going on with you.
There is much more and if you truly want to know the answer to the question, "what is the secret to happy marriage", you will find some surprising answers in this book. Relationship truly is the therapeutic process leading to maturity and a satisfying happy life.