Saturday, March 22, 2014
Acceptance Without Judgment
If your gal/guy is never ready on time or often arrives late and you live by the clock, patience becomes an illusive virtue. If you add children, nearly every time your family finally gets in the car, someone is yelling and others are crying.
The prompt person sincerely believes being late is inconsiderate and inexcusable. He/she may feel trapped and unable to follow his principles. The person who is always late has never accepted the notion that to succeed in life we must be governed by the clock. Spontaneity produces fun, excitement and the joy of living. What happens to acceptance without judgment? Differences between mates can become a challenge in the therapeutic process of becoming soul mates.
Differences in managing money, rates near the top for causing problems in marriages. Differences in how partners manage time may be just as troublesome. Clinging to the belief that your way is the right way will only increase the frustration and block your progress to maturity and connection. Avoid judgment. Focus on the problem. How can you live with these differences and still enjoy each other?
Everett and I both tend to be punctual. When our children were born, everything changed. Everett has many virtues, but patience isn't one of them. By the time we were in the car on our way to church on Sunday morning, the children and I were crying and Everett was frustrated and angry that we were late.
This problem needed fixing. At a time when we felt mellow we talked. We listed our needs and came up with ideas to try. The biggest thing we learned, focus on the behavior not on the person. Calm ourselves before addressing each other or the children. Resist the need to yell or use the words, "you always" or "you never." Everett worked on patience. He sat down with the newspaper instead of pacing and yelling. Believe it or not, we managed to be a little more prompt and we didn't have to wipe our tears when we arrived.