Will Divorced Baby Boomers Remarry?

In the past 75 percent of people who divorced remarried. It will be interesting to see if this new phenomena of "gray divorce" will change that figure. When a marriage fails, people tend to believe that what they have learned from the first marriage will help them avoid making mistakes in the next marriage.

The second time you probably will not choose a partner with the same weaknesses and strengths, but your new mate may have the opposite weaknesses. You will still have to learn how to focus on the strengths and minimize the weaknesses. It boils down to learning how to live with another person in a way that will maximize both partners' strengths and minimize weaknesses. Then you have twice as many strengths together plus the fun and joy of blending your souls.

Is it possible that some people who leave long time marriages have decided it is better to be single?

You Need to Know about "Gray Divorce"

Born between 1946 and 1964, baby boomers already have a divorce rate triple that of their parents. They have started a new trend dubbed "gray divorce" splitting up after 20 or more years of marriage.

What does that mean? Are the baby boomers creating a cultural change or are they caught in one? Is it a part of a new value system? Are people still looking for an illusive soul mate, but not realizing they need to learn how to become one? Do people grow apart gradually and then find it difficult to get through the stressful transitions in life?

What is the chance of becoming soul mates in short term relationships or during the stress of aging? I welcome your comments.

Will Elin and Tiger Restore Their Marriage

Tiger Woods blew up trust in a monstrous explosion that rocked the world. Picking up the pieces and reestablishing trust would border on the miraculous.

Rebuilding trust after infidelity must be the most difficult task any couple can face. I have worked with couples who work hard to make that happen. Incredible anger, grief, attack, and pain continue for weeks and even months. It takes a strong commitment and steel guts to succeed. Do Elin and Tiger have what it takes? Will Elin even want to go through that kind of hell?

John and Elizabeth Edwards

What about couples like John and Elizabeth Edwards? At one time they seemed to be soul mates. Soul mates do not cheat on each other. Cheating destroys trust. Without trust intimacy cannot exist.

Is it possible for soul mates to destroy the closeness they once experienced? Absolutely. A soul mate experience must be carefully cherished and never taken for granted. Infidelity shatters much of what feels good in soul mate relationships. In her book, "Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life's Adversities", Elizabeth says when she learned of John's infidelity, she screamed, cried, and vomited. She was devastated. "All I wanted was my life back," she writes.

Can John and Elizabeth become soul mates again? Trust, once destroyed, cannot easily be rebuilt. It takes time, lots of time. They may not have long enough. My guess is that is why Elizabeth's book is titled, "Resilience."

Some Celebrity Break-ups--2008

Shania Twain and Robert Lange------------married 14 years
Kate and Alex Walsh----------------------married 15 months
Al and Star Ryenolds---------------------married 3 years
Liv Tyler and Royston Langdon------------married 5 years
Marsha and Robin Williams----------------married 19 years
Carey and Pink Hart----------------------married 2 years
Tea Leoni and David Duchovny-------------married 11 years
Madonna and Guy Richie-------------------married 7 years

Relationship is difficult for everyone. No exceptions. It must be even more difficult for celebrities. Few people manage fame well. If you want to become soulmates, you have to learn how to be one. That takes commitment and desire. That is what this blog is all about.

What You Can Learn from Divorce

Perhaps your attempts at marriage have ended in pain, disappointment and even despair. Is there hope for you to ever have a soul mate relationship? Of course, if you can learn from your experience.

Grieve the loss of the relationship. Be willing to experience the pain and learn more about yourself and what you need to know before getting into another relationship. What do you want in relationship? Avoid getting into relationship with someone who is married. If they are willing to cheat on their spouse, trust will always be an issue.

Take your time. Accept and respect yourself. Don't dwell on hurts from the past. Focus on and value what you have learned from past relationships. You can always take some positive things from any relationship you have had with someone you have loved.

Reader Disagrees with Andrea Schroder

"There's nothing you can give your kids that equals two parents loving each other," Andrea Schroder was quoted as saying in People Magazine. Reader, Kate Williams, from Sugar Land, Texas took exception to that in a letter to the magazine.

What do you think? Single parents can do a great job raising their children, but they cannot model a good marriage relationship. Unfortunately, many people have never seen a lifelong soul mate relationship. They have no idea how to begin. They can only use their imaginations and do a lot of searching and learning.

How about you? How many good relationships have you seen? What kind of relationship do you have or want? What are you willing to do to make that happen? If you have lost a promising relationship, learn from it and decide what you want now. A good book to get you started is Colene Sawyer's "Fishing By Moonlight-The Art of Choosing Intimate Partners". More about that another day.

Secrets of Love

You probably wouldn't be reading this blog if you weren't looking for some secrets of love. Filmmaker, Tracie Donahue, made a movie about how to stay married. She quit college to marry at 22 and 11 years later a divorce left her facing single parenthood with no way of earning a living.

Donahue, who lives in Rocklin, California, finished college with a degree in communications. In her movie, she interviews couples, counselors, teachers, and even a couple of celebrities, Robin Givens and Jack Gallagher. They all share what they have learned about love.

Basically, she warns that a wedding is not just a fairytale followed by living happily ever after. Everyone needs to learn what it takes to become soul mates. That certainly includes choosing a person who is also willing to learn. No one can do it unilaterally.