Salads and Conflict

I solicited pictures of salads for my last blog post. Several of my friends responded. After I posted a picture I liked, my cousin sent a picture of a beautiful salad he had while visiting India. Darn! I liked his picture and I wanted to use it. In 58 years of marriage there must have been other conflicts triggered by salads.

Oh yes! I remember one. Not long after the shock of Everett's eating my left-over salad without asking, he began talking about the wonderful potato salad his mother made. Wanting to please him, I made a potato salad the next day. He didn't comment. The next night we invited some friends for dinner. Conversation turned to potato salad. "I haven't had potato salad for a long time", Everett said. Shocked, I said, "We had potato salad last night." "Oh," he responded, "Was that potato salad?" Being somewhat fragile back then, I think I felt hurt and probably angry, too. Our guest responded, "Everett, I'll make you a potato salad."

I learned Everett didn't like my potato salad because I put pickles and olives in it. When I got this information, I couldn't wait to see the salad our friend had promised. To my great delight she came with a "loaded" potato salad. Of course, he graciously thanked her and told her how good it was.

We resolved that conflict quickly. Everett always makes the potato salad. By the way, I like them, vinegar and all.

CHILDREN TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIP

From the Sacramento Relationship Skills Center:

l. How do you decide who to marry?
     "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like that you like sports, and she should keep the chi;s and dip coming."------Alan, age 10
     "No person decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."-----Kristen, age 10

2. What is the right age to marry?
     "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.---Camille, age 10

3. How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
     "You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids."---Derrick, age 8

4. What do you think your Mom and Dad have in common?
     "Both of them don't want to have any more kids."---Lori, age 8

5. What do most people do on a date?
     "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough."---Lynette, age 8
     "On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."---Martin, age 10

6. When is it okay to kiss someone?
     "When they're rich."---Pam, age 7
     "The law says you have to be 18, so I wouldn't want to mess with that."---Curt, age 7
     "The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do."---Howard, age 8

7. Is it better to be single or married?
     "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them."---Anita, age 9

8. How would the world be different if people didn't get married?
     "There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?"---Kelvin, age 8

Are Marriages Ending at Mid-Life?

Newspapers this week featured alarming news about escalating numbers of people in mid-life and older ending their marriages. The question was, WHY?

COMPUTERS!THAT'S IT!
Every morning I get up to a good-natured fun loving guy. My first question to him is, "Are you going to work on the computer today? The computer turns him into a raging angry man whom I no longer recognize. I have decided that the computer is destroying marriages and blowing up any chance of great relationships evolving into soul mate status.

SO PLEASE! Listen to me.
Everyone take those computers and donate them to the electronic waste collectors and take back your marriages. Maybe getting rid of all electronic devices would give you a chance of walking or riding bikes in the park, walking on the beach, going skiing, and a thousand other things couples in love like to do.

CHEER UP! THERE IS HOPE!
There still are thousands of love stories out there and many people who have learned how wonderful long-term marriage can be in spite of owning computers. Sometimes it takes a second or third try at relationship, but you can get there. It helps to have a good counselor who believes in long-term relationships to help you figure it out. Reading blogs like this one can help as well. GOOD LUCK!

Romance and Horror a Love Story Kirk and Leila Bottomly -- 37 years

Leila and I have two anniversaries--our wedding date and--our first kiss which happened on April 17, 1970. Until then she was my best friend Fred's sister. I was 15. She was two years and one grade older. These are details you won't get from her. I hung out every week at Fred's house. She'd hang out with us and she was a lot prettier than Fred.

Friday nights I would go over or they'd come over, and we'd watch the weekend horror show on TV together until nearly midnight. On this Friday evening our high school was putting on a production of West Side Story. We went with other dates. I took Marjorie and she went with Mike.

At intermission, Laila and I met up at the concession stand in the lobby and innocently arranged to rendezvous after the show for our usual Friday night routine. She had Mike drop her off at my house. Fred didn't make it that night. So it was just the two of us.

We watched The Blob with Steve McQueen--an extraterrestrial blob of carnivorous protoplasm lands on earth, terrorizes a town and a group of rowdy teenagers. The teens end up trapped in one of those small-town silver airstream diners and the blob completely envelops it like a giant green jelly bean. I think they blasted their way out with fire extinguishers--the secret weapon was cold.

I don't really remember too many of the details. But it got warmer in our family room. When things get scary, you naturally want to grab somebody. I got up enough courage to finally kiss her. And the rest, as they say, is history.

I pretty much decided right there and then to marry her. Where was I going to find someone else who could kiss like that? Five years later on June 21 we tied the knot. And sealed it with a kiss..
In June we will celebrate our 37th anniversary.