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Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Gender Differences in Defining Intimacy

I just did a review for my parenting blog on a book titled, "Raising Boys by Design". The authors, psychologists who have a special interest in boys and brain science make a strong case for the importance of differences in male and female brains, behavior, and development. It reminded me of the huge gender differences that keep men and women from understanding each other.

Couples usually relate to books describing the differences in love language. One of the hardest differences to get past is the difference between how men and women understand intimacy. In surveys that question what women want most in relationships, nine out of ten women say intimacy. Men rarely rate intimacy first. How can men and women understand each other's love language if they speak separate emotional languages?

When my husband and I first married, I would put cards and notes with loving messages in his lunch bag or on his pillow. One day he said to me, "Honey, don't keep giving me cards and notes. I know you love me. You don't have to do that."

Women, be willing to tell your guy what makes you feel loved and ask what you can do to make him feel loved. Pay attention. Guys, pay attention to what your gal responds to. Exits and entrances are important. Take time to greet each other with a hug and kiss. Look at him/her. Does he/she look nice? What is new or different? Notice! Then say something about it.

It takes time to become a good lover. How would you rate on a scale of one to ten? Make a goal to improve that number. What you give you are likely to get back!

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