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Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Importance of Change in Relationship

The premise of my book, "Becoming Soul Mates" is that you don't find a soul mate, you learn to become one. To become soul mates you must accept the fact that relationship constantly changes as you go through the stages of life. You need not feel sad about that because as Anne Lindburgh says "all living relationships are in process of change, of expansion, and must perpetually be building themselves new forms."

A part of the excitement of a growing relationship is the kaleidoscope effect changes bring. New knowledge, new challenges, new discoveries, new growth in your partner and in you. People who try to hang on to the "honeymoon stage" or the "child-rearing stage", for example, will never be successful at becoming soul mates.

These changes are often called the stress points in relationships. Unfortunately, both partners may not change at the same time. This stresses the left-behind partner and may lead to infidelity, disconnection, and even divorce. If you can survive these changes your love deepens, trust grows, and your relationship matures. You may even realize you have become soul mates, comfortable with giving your partner freedom to grow.


  1. I really like your blog. I am a clinical psychologist and you have some good info here I will be able to use in my couples therapy. Glad I jogged by. Come visit me at Inside the Shrink. God bless.

  2. Great thoughts and so true. My first marriage did not last because I changed (a lot) and he didn't. Thanks for the info. Glad I found your blog on Blog Jog Day.

    Yvonne Perry
    Writers in the Sky
    Follow @writersinthesky on Twitter

  3. Thank you for the invitation to come learn and grow....not only from the information from your postings but by your example too. Again, Happy Mother's Day!
    Love, Deb

  4. Your writing points to the truth I've learned over the past 40 years (almost -- 3 months to go).
    What about advice for those looking to find someone committed to becoming a soul-mate? Have a friend who's been kissing lots of frogs, hates the dating scene, but truly wants a committed relationship. Makes us feel glad we're not young in this world.
    My blog stats took a rise but it will take time to see if there's lasting effect. Good luck with your writing,too.

    Christopher Hoare.