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Sunday, July 10, 2011

Autonomy versus Connection in Relationship

When women rate intimacy as their number one desire in a relationship, they intuitively know that it is the answer to their yearning for connection. Men feel the same separateness and need for connection, but they tend not to think about it. Some experts believe that men's drive is toward autonomy and women's drive is toward connection. I do not believe that. Everyone needs both autonomy and connection, but fear makes us believe we cannot have both.

To be able to be who we are in a relationship and allow the other person to do the same empowers, pleasures, affirms, excites and gives the ultimate joy of loving and feeling loved. This is absolutely essential to create a soul mate relationship.

This is taken from my book, "Becoming Soul Mates." To achieve this, begin with you. Explore what makes you afraid to open up to learning, curiosity, encouragement, support, fun, playfulness, freedom, creativity, discovery, and ultimately change. At first, you risk opening the door just a crack, but eventually you may learn to keep the door open longer, because love overcomes fear. The longer evolving relationships last, the more frequently they include times of intimacy.


  1. Autonomy changes by the time but relationship never change. There are many health problems occurs in life but relation witch are strong that remain same.

  2. Autumn could change but relationship could not changed for the time .Strong relations could not be destroyed or changed.

  3. Even strong relationships must be nurtured. They require priority and attention. People change. Circumstances change. If relationships are not given attention they are in danger of withering and dying.

  4. When there are health problems, there is increased attention and priority for people in strong relationships. One clue to how much you love someone is to ask yourself, what you would do if that person became too ill or crippled to take care of themselves. If your answer is, I would want to make sure they had good care, you probably love enough to begin a lifelong relationship.