Friday, March 2, 2012
Relationship skills may come more naturally to some people than to others. Hopefully, children born to loving parents and family learn those skills from family modeling and teaching. Learning continues throughout our lifetimes. We don't run out of challenges as we meet new people through all stages of life. People who do not have the advantage of loving families will struggle harder to make a transition from victim survival skills to positive power skills.
Which relationship skills do you have? Do you use survivor skills to get what you want in relationship? Do you relate from a victim identity--helpless, hurt, defensive, put upon, always right but never understood? Or do you relate from a healthy sense of self--open to learning, owning your actions and feelings, eager to understand more about yourself and others?
To have a soul mate relationship, you must learn to move from blame and having to be right to accepting yourself, differences in others, and an eagerness to listen and learn,. That takes time especially if your survival has depended on strong survival skills.
Deep satisfying love comes in all forms. You can have a "soul mate" relationship with God, mate, friends, but it isn't magic or a lucky discovery. You create it by learning respect, acceptance, and letting go of fear of intimacy.
I hope to share some stories of love of all kinds in coming blogs. Send me your stories and if they fit I will share them.